More and more I encounter people who would rather have pets than children.  In their minds, having pets is equivalent to having children because there are many similarities, such as obedience training and potty training.  But they are not the same, not the least of reasons for which children are made in God’s image, and animals are not, however domesticated they may be.

Some of those same folks — and even those who don’t equate pets with children — will advocate employing the same training techniques for their children that they use for pets.  When it comes to animal training, rewards and consequences are essential. When a dog disobeys, he gets a negative consequence of the owner’s choice.  When a dog obeys, he gets a reward such as a doggie treat.  These folks will suggest that there is a strong parallel between this sort of animal training, and the upbringing and training of their children.

I am not entirely against this technique because it does work — in the short-term.  The problem with making this the entirety of one’s child-training philosophy is that we don’t merely want behavioral modification in our children.  And that’s exactly (and only) what this style of training accomplishes — pure behavioral training, rooted in pure selfish avoidance of punishment and pursuit of immediate gratification.  But parents are not called by the Lord to simply get their children to “behave.”  We are commanded to “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4).  This entails far more than teaching your kids to act well in order to receive immediate prizes.  It means that we are to shape and shepherd their souls!  This is a very daunting task.

Another way of putting it would be that it’s a trivial task to train a child as you train an animal.  But we are called to train our children in the way of the Lord, and not merely train them in the way of “good behavior.”  We are called to lead them not only to learn to behave outwardly, but to see their desperate inner need for the Savior, and to look to Him for salvation and a new heart.  Aim for behavior alone, and what are you likely to get?  Children with outward obedience, very bitter and angry hearts.  They may outwardly obey their parents, but inside their hearts they are full of anger, bitterness, and resentment.  We cannot be satisfied with the right action — we must be sure that they see the need for a pure heart, see how short they fall of that, and cry out to God for the grace to get there.

In practice, this means that while we are certainly responsible for helping guide our children’s behavior, we need to expend the time and energy and prayer to understand their hearts.  We need to explore and understand their motivations and desires, which are infinitely more complex than that of a dog.  And as we do so, we need to constantly look for ways to show them the power and promises of the gospel as exceedingly better than the deceitfulness of sin (Heb. 3:13), and lead them to the Savior who alone can satisfy their deepest needs and desires.

My boys have been asking about getting new winter jammies.  Since the weather here is still in the mid 80’s, making winter jammies doesn’t make sense.  Matthew had already picked out his special buttons (buttons in the shape of cars, trains, and airplanes) long ago so he was quite eager to use them on his new PJ’s.  I finally mustered enough energy to make the boys their customized jammies and now I have two very happy customers.

Matthew & Andrew wearing their new jammies:

Then they decided to be silly:

Boys will be boys. . . . at least I got one normal looking picture.

I’m currently teaching my four year old to read and one of the resources we enjoy using are Bob Books.  Each set comes with about 10 little booklets.  As soon as the child learns the short vowel sounds, he can start reading these little books.  Each booklet has simple drawings and story line. They are very appealing and motivating for the young readers because they feel a sense of accomplishment after finishing reading a little booklet.

Here is the story from Bob Books First Book 2:

Sam and Cat

Mat and Cat

Sam, Mat, and Cat

Cat sat on Sam.

Mat sat on Sam.

Sad Sam.  Sad Mat.

Sam sat.  Mat sat.

O.K., Sam.  O.K., Mat.  O.K., Cat

I just saw these Bob Books at Costco for $9.99 per set and their set comes in 18 little booklets plus other bonus materials.

Much hoopla, excitement, controversy and concern has emerged due to John McCain’s recent selection of Alaska governor Sarah Palin as his running mate.

Of particular interest to us has been the discussion of whether it’s appropriate for this mother of five to run for office — or whether such ambitions run counter to Biblical admonitions to be a “keeper of the home” (Titus 2:5).  Add to the mix the breaking news that Palin’s 17yo unmarried daughter is pregnant, and certain Christian commentators have begun lamenting the enthusiasm of the evangelical Christian community as ignorant of the “anti-family” nature of supporting such a person for VP.  For example, pastor and author Dr. Voddie Baucham, Jr. (whom we deeply respect) writes:

In an effort to win the pro-family political argument, we are sacrificing the pro-family biblical argument.  In essence, the message being sent to women by conservative Christians backing McCain/Palin is, “It’s ok to sacrifice your family on the altar of your career; just don’t have an abortion.”  How pro-family is that?

I have some sympathies with Dr. Baucham.  I too have concerns (esp. with the revelations about Palin’s pregnant teenage daughter) whether she is truly managing to take care of her family with all the responsibilities of a governor (let alone vice president or on-the-campaign candidate).

All that said, I think Dr. Baucham is not asking the right question.  If I, as a conservative Christian, vote for McCain/Palin, am I truly supporting her personal views on feminism or motherhood?  I think not.  I am simply saying with my vote that that particular ticket represents the best option for the advancement of a particular political agenda.  And in this respect, we find ourselves in agreement with Palin’s positions on limited government, energy policy, abortion and conservationism.  Though some would argue that, if elected, she might advance some sort of unbiblical feminism, I’m not convinced that’s the case, nor is it even terribly important.

Lois and I have been having these past couple of days on the matter, and came upon a statement at Nancy Wilson’s Femina blog that summed up our thoughts quite nicely:

I don’t think Sarah Palin is a role model for Christian women. But neither do I think President Bush is a role model for Christian men. But no one brings that up.

Amen.  As I said in a comment to that post:

It would be one thing if we were considering Palin for church ministry / leadership, in which character, integrity, and Biblical womanhood are a clear criteria.

However, we’re not. We’re considering her as a candidate for the vice presidency of the United States, in which case, while certain character qualifications apply, a litmus test of “Biblical womanhood” does not (though it wouldn’t hurt). Far more important in this case are her political positions and her commitment to following through.

Again, I’m not blind to the potential downside of those who would see this as an opportunity to advance an unhealthy “feminist” agenda.  But inasmuch as I don’t place much hope in government to advance the gospel, neither does the Bible really tell us to worry too much about a government opposed to the gospel (let alone the implications of the gospel on family life).  It is His church which will long outlast all these institutions and candidates, and it is Christ’s church alone which has the responsibility to carry the torch for Biblical truth, the gospel and its ramifications for our lives.

UPDATE: I found Al Mohler’s perspective on this debate thoughtful.  He offers a good analysis, recognizing the difficulties of the circumstances without making the “perfect” become “the enemy of the good.”  In other words, this is not a “black and white,” “all or nothing” situation.  While expressing pastoral concern for Gov. Palin and her family, and in particular her ability to faithfully serve her family as wife & mother while pursuing public service, Mohler expressed these thoughts:

The New Testament clearly speaks to the complementary roles of men and women in the home and in the church, but not in roles of public responsibility.  I believe that women as CEOs in the business world and as officials in government are no affront to Scripture.  Then again, that presupposes that women — and men — have first fulfilled their responsibilities within the little commonwealth of the family.

Is this kind of public role what most women want?  Clearly not, and for that I am honestly thankful.  The tasks assigned to women within the home are monumental.  The maternal role is crucial, and the vast majority of women find their greatest fulfillment in this role — and for good reason.  In the roles of wives and mothers women do what no one else can do so naturally and so well.

Regarding Gov. Palin’s choices with her infant son, as well as her daughter’s choice to have her baby, he continues:

Count me in on the thrill of seeing such a public display of pro-life commitment, and such a prominent pro-life candidate added to the ticket.  I still believe that Gov. Palin can — and I hope will — serve with distinction as Vice President of the United States.

Still, there is something to give us all pause in this picture, and those who care for the future of the family should take note and think hard.

Whenever you get two moms together, the one topic that they will consistently talk about is inevitably about their children.  This is very natural because children dominate much of any mother’s life.  Mothers also enjoy talking about them because after all, they are our progeny.

I remember when we only had one child (8mo), we would often get together with another family who also had one kid at the time.  We had weekly dinners with each other and usually by the end of the dinner, we all realized one thing; once again, we talked about our children’s BM’s (bowel movements) in one form or another.  It never dawned on us that BM’s aren’t exactly a good dinner conversation piece.  Of course we’d never dream of talking about such things before we had any kids. Having children changes things. .  . A WHOLE LOT!

Mothers talk about their children since they’re babies and the topics vary from BM’s to nursing to discipline to feeding to personal habits to hygiene and to any topics that naturally come up in everyday life.  While it is fine to talk about one’s children, sometimes we get too carried away — and we begin speaking about our children in an uncharitable way.  Whether they’re still infants or especially as they grow older, I believe we should be careful to only share about things that are not embarrassing to them.  Why?  Because very often, others’ deepest impression of your children will be that which we as parents give!  Do you really want for others’ first thoughts of your child being his/her lazy attitude, sin issues, bed wetting ordeals, or bad personal hygiene?  I think not.

To clarify, it’s not uncharitable to share about such things in private with another person because you are seeking advice or help.  What I believe to be uncharitable is how easily when in a social context such as a women’s group, church social, or homeschooling support group, we freely talk about our children’s less than flattering habits.  Even if the things you speak of are true, that does not make it right to share it with just anyone.  In essence, we are committing the sin of gossip, in this case about our children.

Instead of gossiping and effectively tearing down our children’s reputation in public, we need to cherish them and praise them (though not boastfully).  Mothers need to respect their children’s privacy.  If they’re embarrassed about certain things that you deem as inconsequential, the best thing you ought to do is not talk about them with anyone.  We should always keep in mind that even though our children may be young and small in size, they have feelings and their own individuality.

I just finished reading Kay Bratt’s Silent Tears: A Journey of Hope in a Chinese Orphanage.  I read this book with great interest because we adopted our daughter Emmaline from China when she was nine months old (she’s now 3 1/2 years old).  We were not allowed to visit her orphanage then.  However, I saw pictures of her orphanage.  From those pictures I could deduce what went on inside her orphanage on a daily basis.  Part of the reason for reading this book was to satisfy my own curiosity.  Sad to say, my own suspicions were confirmed by Mrs. Bratt’s four year experience as a volunteer in a Chinese orphanage.  As disheartening and tragic as the accounts of Mrs. Bratt’s experience were, I was not shocked or taken aback in reading them.  Perhaps I understand the Chinese culture all too well and accept their modus operandi as the way of life.  This is not to condone their practices but simply to reiterate that I understand how the Chinese culture views orphans and handicapped children.

Silent Tears is Mrs. Bratt’s memoir or personal diary account of her volunteer work while living in China. She also highlights some of the Chinese culture and their way of life.  From her book we get a glimpse of the life inside a Chinese orphanage.  All the orphans are rendered as a lower class of person, especially those with any handicap.  Even though there were over 100 orphans, only four orphanage workers were employed which resulted in inadequate care. In an institution that was run based on efficiency, lack of stimulation or love, all of the orphans suffered, including the healthiest ones.  This type of care resulted in unnecessary deaths that were preventable, but because of orphanage bureaucracy or lack of adequate care, these babies failed to thrive.  It was very disheartening to read these accounts as I read Mrs. Bratt’s struggles to help these orphans so that they at least have a tiny bit of love and care.  An important warning about this book is that it is not for those faint of heart.  The stories in this book concern real people and it may be difficult to read through the book without crying.

Yet even in such a dismal and depressing institution, there were glimmers of hope.  Some were adopted into loving homes in United States or China.  The orphanage workers improved in their handling of the children because of Mrs. Bratt’s volunteer group.

I think this is a must read if you want to know more about Chinese orphans, and especially if you are or are planning on becoming an adoptive parent of one.  It is helpful to know what kind of trauma and/or neglect your adopted child may have gone through.  Too often adoptive parents don’t understand the weird or unexplained behaviors shown by their children, as some of these orphanage-raised children even lash out in anger and physical abuse toward their parents.  If we can understand a bit of their history and the trauma they experienced as babies, we can better help them.  This book hits home for me and perhaps when we’re on the other side of the ongoing challenges we’ve faced in parenting Emmaline, I will have the emotional energy to write about our experience with our adopted daughter.  In the meantime we are relying on God’s strength to bring healing and comfort.

I’ve got three more months to go until this baby makes her appearance.  Life here is definitely getting harder as I waddle through the house taking care of the kids, homeschooling them, cooking, and cleaning the house.  I’m pretty much wiped out by the end of the day.  Despite all this, it absolutely warms my heart that my children are still reveling in this unseen baby.  They still ask to kiss the baby, i.e. kissing my tummy, on a daily basis.  My four-year-old asks me frequently why it takes so long for the baby to come out of my tummy.  Even though I’ve explained numerous times that it was God’s design for the baby to grow inside his mommy’s tummy for approximately 9 months, my darling son still asks because he simply can’t wait.  At this point I can’t wait either.

The absolute melt-my-heart conversation was from my six-year-old.  We recently spent a week of vacation in Lake Tahoe and everyone enjoyed the break tremendously.  As our vacation came to an end, Matthew asked if we could return to Lake Tahoe in the winter time.  I had to break the news to him that there was no way we could return in the winter time because that’s when the baby is due.  He looked up and said, “Wow. . . . THAT’S EVEN BETTER THAN LAKE TAHOE!”  I was very surprised to hear this response as I was anticipating disappointment on his part.  I know he absolutely loved the time we spent in Lake Tahoe and for him to say that having a baby is better than having a great time was so heart warming.

Whether friends or strangers, many have expressed some concern over our family size.  One of the concerns that comes up frequently is whether I will ever slow down and enjoy a break.  With so many little ones running about and another one on the way, it is a legitimate concern.  However, my children are so precious and from the way they love this unborn baby it makes all the work worth it.  Yes, I feel beaten down on most days, but this far outweighs the precious gift I’ll receive this November.