This past Sunday, a brother in our church preached a sermon titled “Heart Check.”  He challenged us to examine whether we’d allowed lesser things to displace our love for Jesus (MP3 and handout).  It was a convicting and encouraging message at the same time.

That evening, as I was getting ready to “lay me down to sleep,” I opened to that evening’s entry in Spurgeon’s Morning and Evening.  And was convicted to the core of the smallness of my affections for Christ, and how foolish I have been in many areas of my life — willing to settle for lesser things, instead of pursuing after the only One who could bring my soul deep and abiding satisfaction and joy.

Here’s an excerpt (with updated English) that struck me particularly:

O true believer, called by grace and washed in the precious blood of Jesus, you have tasted of better drink than the muddy river of this world’s pleasure can give you; you have had fellowship with Christ; you have obtained the joy of seeing Jesus, and leaning your head upon His heart. Do the trifles, the songs, the honors, the merriment of this earth satisfy you after that? Have you eaten the bread of angels, and can you live on husks? [Samuel] Rutherford once said, “I have tasted of Christ’s own manna, and it has put my mouth out of taste for the brown bread of this world’s joys.” It seems to me it should be so with you.

I’d encourage you to spend a few moments on the reading yourself.

We have gotten to know a lot of fine young college and post-college folks over the past year. We are very privileged that they want to hang around with us old fogeys, especially with our rambunctious kids. Of the many conversations we had in the past, one topic that consistently comes up is relationships. I admit that I’ve been out of the dating scene for a long time and that this topic isn’t on the front burner any longer. However, for these young ‘uns, it is very important. Evers and I decided that for the next several weeks or maybe months, depending on how much free time we have, we will write about relationships. We pray and hope that young folks will find the series helpful as they pursue godly relationships with the opposite sex.

We are considering writing about the following topics:

• The courtship model
• Is it okay to be a spiritual accountability partner of the opposite sex?
• How to assess the fitness of a man/woman as your husband/wife
• Physical attraction and personal evaluation
• Relationship resources

If there are any other topics pertaining to relationships, please let us know (privately or via comments) and we’ll do our best to address them.

Suppose I’m standing on the ledge of a mile-high cliff, looking over. And I do this with genuine trust in God to keep me from falling over. But my friend stands back 10 feet from the ledge, offering to me that it’s not so smart to do that with the 30mph gusts that are blowing around us. He trusts God too… but he also thinks it wise to apply common sense in that situation.

So which requires more faith: to take the risk by hanging by the edge, or to be more “conservative” and step back a few feet and enjoy the view (though perhaps a less exciting one)? My guess is that most of us would initially be tempted to say that the one who stands on the ledge is exercising more faith than the one who doesn’t. But I think that would be wrong.

Why? Because our Lord Himself modeled the principle that doing risky (or foolish) things “in faith” isn’t necessarily being faithful. At least, that’s one of my conclusions from his reply to the devil during his temptation in the wilderness:

And [the devil] took him to Jerusalem and set him on the pinnacle of the temple and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down from here.” … And Jesus answered him, “It is said, ‘You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.’” (Luke 4:9,12)

In other words, he didn’t jump. Not because he lacked faith in His Father, but because “trusting God” (which is good) is not the same as “testing God” (which is bad).

Like it or not, we are surrounded (and influenced) by the culture we live in. And today’s culture is clearly adrenaline-rush-oriented, amusement-centered, and excitement-driven. And it’s a culture that glorifies risk taking! Thus, if our lives seem boring, I think we are tempted to ask ourselves if we are missing out. Not merely on life, but perhaps even on God’s will in our lives.

And thus, we’ve begun to equate “faith” with “taking risks” and “excitement.”

A few years, when I was still single, the Lord placed on my heart a deep burden for global missions, for declaring the glories of God to all the nations. At the time, I couldn’t think of anything more appropriate than “selling all I have” and going to the unreached peoples. Anything else seemed… short of the goal.

But now, a few years later, with a wife, four young children, a house, and an office job, I’m not exactly going to be featured on “Lifestyles of the Glamorous and Exciting.” Instead, most of my days are spent working an office job to provide for my family, or caring for children, or cleaning the house, etc. And Lois could tout an even more “mundane” lifestyle, as a stay-at-home mom, where even conversations with other adults are limited to evening chats online or occasionally on the phone; and otherwise cooking, cleaning, homeschooling, etc. Add to that a tendency to be fiscally conservative (anti-debt, pay off our mortgage ASAP, buy in cash) and to be homebodies (you know where to find us on Friday night!), and we’ve found ourselves singing this song:

Do we simply lack faith? We are wise with finances, careful about time management, and we are raising a family in the suburbs. That seems to take a lot less faith than any number of believers we know who are in debt over their heads due to poor planning or living on the “front-lines” of the missions field or dangerous urban ministry. So many of those “risk-taking” believers have these amazing testimonies of God’s faithfulness in answering their prayers in time of need… are we doing something wrong by not taking those same sorts of risks? Are we living by faith or merely by sight?

And here’s my conclusion after thinking about this question.

First, it’s not whether we take risks per se that shows great faith. The person who takes risks without considering the potential cost is not commended by the Lord (Luke 14:28-30). And taking on debt (financial risk) is not looked well upon either (Proverbs 22:7). So risk-taking is not inherently an act of faith, and faith doesn’t necessarily translate into risk-taking.

Second, if the Lord delivers us when we take risks for Him is not because we had faith, but because He is gracious! God is not bound by our faith to act on our behalf. And the man who makes unwise choices and is rescued from disaster should not be commended for great faith. The glory goes to God for His merciful kindness, and the man should be admonished for his foolishness.

Third, Biblically speaking, faith in God is commended in light of resulting obedience and not mere risk-taking. For example, in Hebrews 11, a number of saints in the Old Testament are commended for their faith. But not because they took great risks (though some did), but because they obeyed the Word of their God!

What then? The real measure of faith in God is our obedience to His revealed will to us, not in the excitement level of our lives. Our lives may feel mundane. But that’s okay, if our “unexciting” lives are committed to obeying God. In the past, and even now, I’ve been really jazzed by an inspiring call to “do missions when dying is gain.” But I find it even more helpful, these days, to take to heart Biola professor John Mark Reynolds’ idea of “bloodless martyrdom”:

Married love is difficult: full of confusion and doubt. Because it is a bloodless martyrdom, designed to purge us of selfishness and show us real love it is difficult.

The concept of “bloodless martyrdom” can be applied to more than just married life. It can be applied to parenting. To homeschooling. To being faithful in my job, or being a good steward of the resources God has provided for us, such as money, house, or cars.

Furthermore, I think the concept of faith-filled “unexciting lives” is utterly consistent with the bulk of the New Testament epistles. If you examine the NT, very few of the members of the church are doing “exciting adventures.” You don’t read repeated calls to “take risks, sell all you have.” Instead, more often than not, the real work of faith, based on mere weight of repetition, is whether we Christians are faithful and obedient to God’s call in things like parenting… marriage… hospitality… ministering to the saints… loving your neighbor.

In short, I think there is a great danger in “romanticizing” the Christian life. God is not looking for His church to be made up of a bunch of risk-taking, “extreme sports” types of people. He is looking first and foremost for faithful friends, faithful husbands and wives, faithful parents, faithful children, faithful neighbors, etc.; whose faithfulness in those tasks is built upon their faith-filled obedience to the God who has called them to such tasks. Even in the face of ridicule or discouragement or boredom.

We should not be like Don Quixote who imagined that the “real life of faith” is built on pursuing great risks and “impossible dreams.” Let’s instead consider the calling he has for each of us, however simple or unexciting, and with great faith, trust Him to accomplish great things through our “small deeds” of daily faithfulness.

Every once in a long while, things are not perfect in my world.

Just once in an while, one of my children are not perfect citizens.

Just once in a while, my wife and I are not getting along perfectly.

Just once in a while, things aren’t going right at work.

[Blogs are not a great medium for conveying tone, so let me be clear: facetious tone above. Things are often not going “right” by my reckoning.]

And when these situations arise, my first response is to get grumpy, and wish for things (or people) to go “my way.” Because, after all, if the world would only operate according to my instructions, things would be perfect! At least, that’s what I hear myself saying as I brood, resent, or otherwise wallow in self-pity. I can even come up with great delusional rationalizations. For example, if Lois is not loving me as she ought, “My wife is not doing everything she’s supposed to as a godly wife. The Bible says [insert brilliant exegetical insight here]. If only she would get her act together… then I’d be happy.”

This morning was one of those times when I wasn’t thrilled about my life, and people in my life. But in the midst of my grumpy, self-justifying mood, the Lord was kind enough to prick stab my conscience and force me to acknowledge that the real problem wasn’t Lois. It was my discontentment. That is to say, as much as I’d spent the previous several hours brooding over her imperfect behavior, it was quite clear to me that my discontent was what was making the situation “unbearable.”

Yesterday, I had read an excellent insight from Elizabeth Elliott from Amy Scott’s blog about “the cost of obedience“:

Elisabeth Elliot talks about [the cost of obedience] in Asking God Why. Speaking of missionary Amy Carmichael, she writes, “Loneliness was one of those disciplines. How–the modern young person always wants to know–did she ‘handle’ it? Amy Carmichael would not have had the slightest idea what the questioner was talking about. ‘Handle’ loneliness? Why, it was part of the cost of obedience, of course. Everybody is lonely in some way, the single in one way, the married in another; the missionary in certain obvious ways, the schoolteacher, the mother, the bank teller in others.”

Ironically, just last night I was remarking to Lois how excellent this insight was.  I’d told her about how so often, when we modern Christians encounter difficulty, our first response is to ask for relief.  We “modern” folks think that life in the shadow of the cross (!) is supposed to be easy, and when it’s not… we look for ways to “handle” it. Rather than, say, to accept it as part of living for Christ in a fallen world!

So like I said, even in the aftermath of reading this, I was busy looking for “relief” from certain marital circumstances that we shall not describe in detail but which the few you not in perfect marriages can simply imagine based on your own occasional challenges.

And God spoke clearly to me in the thick of it from a long-ago memorized passage from Psalm 42:

“Why so downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God!”

Then it was clear. I was putting my hope in my marriage. In my wife’s ability to deliver on her vows.  In her ability to not only be a Proverbs 31 woman, but Genesis-Revelation!  And she had (big shock) not been perfect.  And I was, therefore, not thrilled.

Instead, I ought to have been “putting my hope” in God. Looking to Him, and to His providence, to be my source of joy and contentment. No matter what comes my way. No matter who disappoints me.

I think the psalmist must’ve felt the same way when he penned those words. How easily we start listening to ourselves (grumbling) when we should be talking to ourselves.

Hopefully, next time I start feeling sorry for myself — and I’m sure it will be a long time before someone falls short of my expectations — I’ll be a little quicker to rebuke myself, and quicker to “put my hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him!”

Recently my husband and I have been talking about college life and how unique this period is in a person’s life experience. For most people, this is an exciting and fun period because for the first time, you feel so independent and so grown up. You no longer live with your parents, you have your own apartment, you don’t have to tell anyone your whereabouts, you can hang out with friends for as late as you want to, and you come and go as you please. All of your friends are your age and you share similar struggles and life experience.

However, at some point, all the college fun must come to an end (though some prolong the experience by taking their time graduating). And when that end comes, most people get a cultural shock when they graduate and start working. All of a sudden you are part of the working world, working long hours, paying your own bills, and trying to figure out what to eat. You no longer hang out with your college buddies till the wee hours because you have to get up early in the morning to go to work. You miss your friends because they’re no longer in the same vicinity. Such sudden change depresses you and makes you long for the good old times. You wonder if this is what life is all about. To remedy your sudden change of lifestyle, you consider going back to graduate school so you can relive your college years. Or, if you’re a Christian (and that’s who I’m talking to), you look for a church that has a big group of people your age.

I’ve seen people trying to relive their college years by returning to their college fellowship functions year after year, but as they got older, they finally realized they simply had to move on. How they move on is to find other people in their life stage. If you’re still single and working, then you find like-minded people who are just like you, single in the working world. If you’re married, then you find people who are married. If you just had your first child, then you surround yourself with people who just had a child too.

Recently, I’ve been asked how I’d advise the newly graduates on adjusting to their new stage of life. After much thinking, here are a few words I’d offer to new graduates:

1. You could try to relive your college years… or you could instead grow up (seriously)! What you experienced in college was unique. Even though you felt so grown up and free, you were not truly an independent adult earning your own money and paying your own bills. So as wonderful as the memories are, God has even better things for those who live their lives in the “today” rather than “yesterday.” You could miss out on great things if you spend your time yearning for what’s past.
2. Post-college transition is often a lonely, difficult and wilderness time. It’s very difficult to move from an environment where your best buddies are next door and always available, to a time when you are working day-to-day next to people nothing like you, and “fellowship” opportunities seem so hard to come by. Consider that this may actually be a great opportunity to learn about contentment and acceptance; and to learn more about life than the artificial bubble of “peer-oriented bubble” of your first ~20 years of life provided.
3. Read and study Titus 2. The Bible has much to say about older women and men mentoring the younger generation. Don’t merely look for interaction with people your age, but seek out older people from whom you can learn (formally or informally). People who have gone before you know the struggles you’re encountering and they can often provide wise counsel.
4. One of the hardest choices most graduates face is finding a church. Don’t choose a church merely based on the availability of people in your age group. Sadly this is the first question people ask (or look for, even if they don’t ask) when looking for a church. While relevant, especially for single people (we’re being honest, right?), you might consider that:

• churches built around only fostering interaction with your own peer group (”singles”->”young marrieds”->”married with young ‘uns”->etc.) are failing to encourage some of the most important relationships (see #3)
• if you would have a godly spouse in the future, the best way to get there is to be godly. And essential to that is learning from godlier — and usually older — saints.
• Is the Word preached? Is the pastoral leadership composed of godly men? Is there discipleship, mentoring and warm Christ-centered fellowship present (regardless of age)? These are questions more rooted in Scriptural priorities than “is there a big young adult group?”

Final word, especially to our dear friends who are in this very age range. I mean no ill will for those of you who like to spend time with others in the same age range. It’s normal. Even if you scarcely sit with my zany family at fellowship meals, many of you enthusiastically interact with us and our children. =-) My heart, and my husband’s heart, are simply to see churches return more faithfully to “integrated” fellowships where saints of different backgrounds, ages, and experiences learn from each other. We thoroughly enjoy seeing how God is working in the lives of many “young people” in our church, and hope that some of what God has done and continues to do in our lives may benefit them in ways that they might not glean from peer fellowship alone.

When I browse through magazines or read the news, it is commonplace to read articles telling women that you can do it all — which is another way of saying you can have it all.  After all, who wants to “do everything?”  It’s really about having everything: reputation, meaningful employment, money, cars, family, house, vacations, etc.

The common wisdom espoused by our broader culture tells women: you can have a full-time job outside of the home, be a faithful mother, be a desirable wife, and enjoy all the possible blessings thereof (including happy well-adjusted children).  What most of these sources neglect to address, however, is that even though most women can do it all, the vast majority cannot do it “all” well. In order to do something well (for example, your job at the office) you need to devote time and energy to the job.  In order to raise children and do it well, you need to devote even more time and energy.  When women are split between two full-time commitments, it is nearly impossible to do ithem all well.  Something’s gotta give! The same could be said of men, though it is usually the role of mothers to stay at home.  When both parents are working, it is often the case that both parents are not necessarily able to pull everything off well.

The corollary to this typical thinking, by the way, is that far too often, stay-at-home moms are looked down upon by our culture for “giving up” (a fair use of the word) the opportunity to be in the workforce for the sake of their children.

But I believe this is akin to criticizing an athlete for the opportunity to relax on a couch, instead exerting himself to train and be best in class.  Despite what we hear all around us, some jobs — especially the job of being a parent — cannot be scheduled, outsourced or juggled without losing something along the way.  Of course, I am primarily thinking of those who have a choice, not those such as single parents or the like.

What then? We Christians need to examine our lifestyle choices and make choices according to the Scriptures.  We need to realize that what is eternal (for example, the souls of our children) is far more important than what is temporal (material comforts).  We need to weigh carefully under the guidance of the Holy Spirit and His Word whether we’ve sought the whole world only to lose our souls.

I think most Christians believe that having a daily devotion is a valuable time communing with God, and it is also beneficial for our spiritual lives. However, when it comes to real life application of this belief, most of us fall short. It is usually not for lack of desire but lack of discipline or organized planning. There are many reasons why we don’t have consistent personal devotion, and whatever the reason is, we should stop making excuses and start doing it, but not without a plan AND a back-up plan.

I believe having a personal devotion early in the morning is the best plan for me. For the past several weeks I’ve been getting up one hour earlier than the rest of the family to do my devotion. Believe me, I’m not a morning person and getting up early is not an easy thing for me. What I discovered was that the first week or two was hard BUT my body eventually adjusted to the earlier schedule. I find myself waking up before the alarm clock goes off. The key to waking up early is going to bed early the night before.

As much as I want to have my morning devotion time stay on track, it’s not possible all the time. Things happen such as going to bed later than planned, needing to get up in the middle of the night to care for a child, illness, etc. When I’m not able to meet the Lord first thing in the morning, I have my devotion in the afternoon when the kids are napping. This is my back-up plan. Just because I’m unable to stay on track in the morning, it doesn’t mean I should skip it altogether. If for some reason I can’t meet the Lord in the afternoon, I do my devotion in the evening after the children are in bed. This is my second back-up plan.

I think it is helpful to have a plan AND a back-up plan. In the past I’d beat myself up, figuratively speaking, for missing personal devotional time in the morning. Now with two back-up plans I know I won’t be skipping it again. Let us start or continue to meet with our Lord and Savior faithfully.