One would think that after several babies, I’d have the “been there, done that” outlook when it comes to appreciating a new baby. After all, we have already been through all the baby developmental stages. Contrary to the notion, having a new baby still amazes me. When the baby smiles or imitates, my heart melts. I have said so many times in my heart that I don’t deserve such an amazing gift from God. Calissa is just so perfect and sweet.

I had a tough day. It all started early in the day and persisted throughout the day, but praise God that the day was redeemed via a nice and calm family dinner at Black Angus. After coming home, Calissa and I rested on the bed together. I stared and admired her long and hard. I’m still amazed and still feel undeserving of this precious blessing. Her smile makes me forget how bad my day was. Perhaps this is how God tells me that my toil as a mother is not in vain.

On several occasions I’ve been asked the question “Is it hard?” in regards to motherhood. Sometimes I just don’t know how to respond because the answer seems obvious to me. It is an emphatic “YES!” Of course it’s hard. I’m constantly on my feet taking care all the little ones’ needs. I’m up in the middle of the night nursing and as soon as I rise up in the morning, the day is non-stop until the children go down at night. Does this sound hard? It definitely is!

Sometimes I get the look of “Why would you do this to yourself?” It is akin to self-inflicted pain. There are times I ask myself this question too, especially when I’m having a bad day. However, when my mental status is more sane, I think about this question more thoroughly. The only answer I can come up with is this: “It is good for me.” In this day and age, hard work is shunned upon. Thus, when we purposely choose things that are difficult, we make lots of people scratch their heads in bewilderment. In the end, I really believe raising four little ones is good for me because it molds and shapes my character. I’ve never learned to be more giving, selfless, and sacrificial than in becoming a mother. This is what John Mark Reynolds calls “bloodless martyrdom.” I have to agree. This kind of “bloodness martyrdom” better prepares me for the Kingdom of God. Yes, it is hard. Yes, I do struggle. . . . . A LOT. Yes, I do make mistakes, and lots of them.

A constant temptation in my life, and perhaps in the lives of many who live in the ease-oriented culture of America, is to merely yearn for relief. How often I simply want to ask God to make a day end more quickly, or the kids obey more readily, etc. But making that the main point will lead not only to disappointment (on my part), it also falls far short of God’s purposes. David Powlison, in addressing the subject of how we pray, says it well:

We all tend to pray for circumstances to improve so that we might feel better. Such requests are honest and good - unless these requests go no further. Detached from God’s purposes for sanctification and hearts that groan for his kingdom to come, such prayers become self-centered.

My attitude toward this immensely difficult task of motherhood is so revealing of my attitude toward God’s providence in this world. Do I expect life in this sin-tainted world to be easy? Do I expect obeying Christ in all of life not to require sacrifice? Do I expect my children to always be “lovable” so as to make my job of loving them “natural?”

As I contemplate the difficulties of motherhood, and why I have chosen the path that I have, I see how God is leading me down a path of learning what’s good for me. And more often than not, that’s what’s hard for me.

May God help me to learn not only to “endure” the hard seasons of life, but also to look for Him in those seasons. And to grow in those seasons. May I not absorb the spirit of our age — that of comfort and ease — and instead be willing to continue down the difficult path of serving my family to the glory of God.

Note: I write as someone who is still struggling through this. Sometimes when I’m having a bad day, my husband tells me to go read my own blog. Yes, I do read my own blog.

After finishing his breakfast, I told my son to sweep up the mess he had just created from eating. I then reminded him to do a good job. His tendency is to simply do the job, but not do it well or completely. As I was talking, I glanced at our kitchen wall where I had stencilled 1 Corinthians 10:31 a year ago.

Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

I directed his eyes to the verse and told him that we need to do everything in a way that is glorifying to God, including sweeping the floor. He understood and to my delight, he did a great job. This little talk only took several minutes. It wasn’t a long and arduous Bible study, just a very simple lesson. Even though it is not easy taking care of four little ones 24/7, I am thankful that I am with them 24/7 so that I can impart these little lessons.

According to SalaryWizard.com, even though I bring home all the bacon, my lovely wife deserves to keep all the money and more!!! And that’s based on conservative estimates of hours & no performance bonuses (which she deserves!).

Ever since becoming a mother, I wear many different “hats.” Among these are:

• Chief Operating Officer: My husband is CEO, but I’m in charge of getting things done around the house. And directing all the “subordinates” herein.
• Psychologist: When one of the kids is crying, I have to decipher what is going on, and it’s especially hard when the kid is not at the talking stage.
• Nurse: Those paper cuts can be darn nasty, not to mention those occasional falls.
• Judge: When the kids argue, I’m the mediator. I have to decipher who is right and who is wrong and give a pronouncement.
• Chief Cook or Chef: These kids don’t grow from eating nothing. My duty invovles making food that tastes good, as well as making sure they are healthy.
• Maid: How else will the house be kept clean and presentable?
• Personal Assistant: I dress, bathe, and feed the kids. I also do all their shopping needs.
• Chauffeur: Those little legs of theirs can’t get far. Those errands to the mall, library, and other outings require a good ‘o chauffer.
• Food Supply: That Mama’s milk is what made them thrive and gain lots of chubs for the first 15 months.
• Hair Dresser: For the boys, I spray and comb their hair. For the girl, I spray, comb, and create a nice hairdo. For all, I cut and trim their hair on a regular basis.
• Counselor: When they cry or get frustrated with each other or with a certain toy, a counselling session is neccessary.
• Interpreter: Even though I have not mastered the language of baby talk nor obtained a degree in this field, I can often interpret for the non-verbal child with an accuracy rate of 90%.
• Entertainer: My kids like to be amused so Mama is the entertainer and my repertoire includes singing, dancing, playing piano, jumping, kicking, and doing lots of wacky body maneuvers.
• Teacher: Thus far I teach the following subjects: home economics, phonics, math, reading, and Bible.
• Drill Sergeant: Who keeps the children in line? They need training and discipline.
• Social Coordinator: I organize all play dates, meetings with friends, outings, etc.
• Playmate: Someone has to be creative and come up with games and ideas to keep the little one interested.
• Shepherd: Above all, I’m called to be shepherd of my children’s souls.

I’ve been enjoying listening to Bryan Chapell’s sermons online. His sermons are very concise (about 20-25 minutes long) which is a plus because as a busy and very pregnant mother, I can only handle a little nugget at a time. He is a gifted speaker whose sermons are Christ-centered, clear, and inspirational. His sermon “When I Am Weak, Then I Am Strong: Facing Our Weaknesses in Order to Find Strength” ministered to me tremendously.

In this sermon, he speaks from 2 Corinthians 11, 12 about the Apostle Paul boasting in his own weakness as he faces the “super apostles” displaying their credentials. Chapell points out that Paul’s premise is simple: if we are to be strong, we are to be weak. I usually do a double take when I see this statement because it is an odd statement. The natural inclination is to try to be stronger, not weaker, if our goal is to be strong. Yet, Paul urges his listeners to be weak.

I have never felt weaker than since I became a mother. God blessed us with two wonderful sons, and to be honest, they are not easy. I admit that I sometimes envy those with children who are more mellow than mine. I struggle day-to-day in how to channel their exuberant energy level. Then the Lord saw fit to move us to adopt a baby girl from China. In order to fit into this active family, God gave us a little girl whose active personality matches that of the boys. I’m outnumbered. Utterly defeated. Shortly thereafter, the Lord chose to bless us with another one who is currently in the womb (due in 8 weeks). I wonder what this baby will be like? With three very active children and a very tired pregnant body, my weakness is very apparent. I have nothing about which to boast. Many people, whether friends or strangers, are still in awe that we’re about to have our fourth child. Most think I have a high energy level and a great deal of patience. I’m even labelled as a “super mom,” one who can do it all. I shudder when I hear that label because I am not! Believe me, I am not. Again, I have nothing to boast about.

In Chapell’s sermon, he goes on to say how important it is to know our own weakness:

Do you know the extent of your weakness as Paul does? Did you know you’re as weak and sinful as the next guy apart from the grace of God? Do you know that? You have to. Because until you know how weak or bad you are (or could be) you cannot truly be good, or used of God. Until you see the extent of your weakness (even an apostle’s!) you don�t know the value of the lesson that must come your way.

We don’t just stop here. We don’t claim anything just by knowing our own weakness even though this is the first step.

Paul wants us to know our weakness so we will know grace. To know first of all that it’s sufficient in itself… You are sufficient only in His grace. You may have an easy time or hard. You may be very gifted or not. But it is not what we offer up to God that makes us sufficient.You are sufficient only if you rest in Him. He looks at you as bathed in the blood of His own Son, the character & life-giving blood of His Son and that is sufficient.Remember what he says at end of verse 9: “I will boast about my weakness so Christ’s power may rest in me.” The wonderful truth is we rest on Christ alone and His power rests on us. Are you relying on his strength? Ask yourself if you need to confess: if God is really your strength, why have you run past him so often when you try to serve Him? In all those times you use your gifts, talents and never stop to say to God, “Fill me.” We say, “Lord make me a mighty warrior, fortress, etc.” And that’s not wrong in itself, but that prayer must be preceded by, “Lord, make me know how weak or frail I am. Do in my life what you must. That I might know the process AND purpose of my weakness. That I might know your grace is sufficient, your strength perfected in my weakness. Only when I’m weak, then I am strong. Lord teach me, when I am weak, only then I am strong.”

Let us then be reminded that it is on Christ, and Christ alone that we lean and draw strength from. Our weakness displays the strength of God, and only through his grace can we find rest. Like I said, this is a short sermon, and if you have 20-25 minutes to spare, listen to this teaching and be encouraged.

I’m in my third trimester now and the so called “pregnancy brain” (This is my term. Not sure if anyone uses this too) has once again invaded my body. What is the “pregnancy brain” you ask? It’s a state of mind where one forgets the simplest thing and cannot express oneself at all. The best tactic is to point like a lunatic and hope your audience comprehends. This currently describes my state of mind, or lack or it.

Just this morning when I wanted my husband to open the dish washer, I said, “Hunny, can you open that thingie?” He then piped in and said, “It’s called a dish washer.” What a revelation! Oh yeah, it’s a dish washer. Yes, “thingie” is a word!!! I insist, and it’s an universal word. It can be used for almost anything. Even though it’s not the most eloquent word, it works!

Can you be cured of this “pregnancy brain”? Yes. The prognosis is good but the symptoms will last throughout the entire pregnancy. Recovery takes anywhere from three to nine months or more, and it also depends on when the baby starts to sleep through the night.

Reflecting back to my previous pregnancies, sometimes I see a little glimpse of hope. During my last pregnancy, all of sudden during a conversation with my husband, I used a big SAT word, “ubiquitous,” it almost knocked his socks off. Yes, he knew the meaning of the word, but just wasn’t expecting me to use it since most of my vocabularies comprised of “thingie.” See. . . . my college education is worth something. . . . after all, neurobiology was part of my major.

Even though I’m poking fun of myself, it does get frustrating sometimes not being able to express myself. Through it all, God is gracious and He enables me to carry on each day to serve my family. My three kiddoes are well fed, clothed though PJs are considered both daytime and nighttime apparel now, and most importantly, they are well loved.