I am resolved to speak tenderly to my children, especially when they disobey. This morning I had a semi-quiet moment while I was outside hanging the diapers. I prayed for God’s mercy to help me through the day, especially in the area of speaking tenderly to my children. Throughout the day I prayed for more mercy and grace.

It’s become more and more apparent that I don’t speak to my children with tenderness, especially when they are being disciplined. I find myself raising my voice and even though I can’t see myself when I’m angry, I’m sure I don’t look very good right there and then. Perhaps in the midst of my anger, I should stop and look at myself in the mirror so I can see how ugly or scary my expression is. I don’t think anyone looks good when they are angry, yet this is what my children see. I don’t want to model this for my children as they are learning how to be little gentlemen and ladies.

A while back when my husband was apologizing to my older child for speaking harshly to him, my son looked at him and quoted Proverbs 15:1, “A soft answer turns away wrath.” That was very sobering. He actually understood that verse and applied it well. Thanks to the My ABC Bible Verses book we’ve been reading to him. We desire to raise up our children to be godly people who fear the Lord and we must first model this for them.

Several weeks ago we ran into an acquaintance of mine at a restaurant. Upon finding out that we have four children, his eyes opened wider and exclaimed with the following: “Four? That’s a lot of work! I only have one and he’s a lot of work already. Man, I feel for you. I really feel for you.” What he was conveying was that he felt sorry for me because I have a lot of work cut out for me. In my unsanctified way, I responded with displeasure: “Don’t, please don’t. Don’t feel sorry for me.” My husband then replied with a more gracious response, “Children are blessings and why would we not want God’s blessings?”

It is very common nowadays to encounter people with a negative attitude towards children in the name of hard work. Hard work equals pain which means it’s to be avoided. In my experience people with fewer children tend to express this negative attitude more frequently than people with more children. Recently a mother told me that she is limiting her family size to two children because they are a lot of work. Since she wants to enjoy life, two is just enough. This saddens me because people seem to be blinded by the fact that children are blessings from God. Do they not know what Psalm 127 says?

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD,
the fruit of the womb a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior
are the children of one’s youth.
Blessed is the man
who fills his quiver with them!
He shall not be put to shame
when he speaks with his enemies in the gate

We need to look at our children as blessings, not merely as hard work. There is much to enjoy in life with them. I also acknowledge that they are a lot of work as I know this intimately well with my four little ones. My life with them is like a farmer and his field. It is a lot of work to sow seeds and tend the vegetables, but when the harvest time comes, it is a sweet reward. What’s more is that food tastes better and sweeter when you are the one who tended the field knowing that a lot of sweat and hard work went into it. Likewise, motherhood is hard, but do it well so you may reap what you sow. I await for the day when my children arise up and call me blessed (Proverbs 31: 28).

One would think that after several babies, I’d have the “been there, done that” outlook when it comes to appreciating a new baby. After all, we have already been through all the baby developmental stages. Contrary to the notion, having a new baby still amazes me. When the baby smiles or imitates, my heart melts. I have said so many times in my heart that I don’t deserve such an amazing gift from God. Calissa is just so perfect and sweet.

I had a tough day. It all started early in the day and persisted throughout the day, but praise God that the day was redeemed via a nice and calm family dinner at Black Angus. After coming home, Calissa and I rested on the bed together. I stared and admired her long and hard. I’m still amazed and still feel undeserving of this precious blessing. Her smile makes me forget how bad my day was. Perhaps this is how God tells me that my toil as a mother is not in vain.

On several occasions I’ve been asked the question “Is it hard?” in regards to motherhood. Sometimes I just don’t know how to respond because the answer seems obvious to me. It is an emphatic “YES!” Of course it’s hard. I’m constantly on my feet taking care all the little ones’ needs. I’m up in the middle of the night nursing and as soon as I rise up in the morning, the day is non-stop until the children go down at night. Does this sound hard? It definitely is!

Sometimes I get the look of “Why would you do this to yourself?” It is akin to self-inflicted pain. There are times I ask myself this question too, especially when I’m having a bad day. However, when my mental status is more sane, I think about this question more thoroughly. The only answer I can come up with is this: “It is good for me.” In this day and age, hard work is shunned upon. Thus, when we purposely choose things that are difficult, we make lots of people scratch their heads in bewilderment. In the end, I really believe raising four little ones is good for me because it molds and shapes my character. I’ve never learned to be more giving, selfless, and sacrificial than in becoming a mother. This is what John Mark Reynolds calls “bloodless martyrdom.” I have to agree. This kind of “bloodness martyrdom” better prepares me for the Kingdom of God. Yes, it is hard. Yes, I do struggle. . . . . A LOT. Yes, I do make mistakes, and lots of them.

A constant temptation in my life, and perhaps in the lives of many who live in the ease-oriented culture of America, is to merely yearn for relief. How often I simply want to ask God to make a day end more quickly, or the kids obey more readily, etc. But making that the main point will lead not only to disappointment (on my part), it also falls far short of God’s purposes. David Powlison, in addressing the subject of how we pray, says it well:

We all tend to pray for circumstances to improve so that we might feel better. Such requests are honest and good – unless these requests go no further. Detached from God’s purposes for sanctification and hearts that groan for his kingdom to come, such prayers become self-centered.

My attitude toward this immensely difficult task of motherhood is so revealing of my attitude toward God’s providence in this world. Do I expect life in this sin-tainted world to be easy? Do I expect obeying Christ in all of life not to require sacrifice? Do I expect my children to always be “lovable” so as to make my job of loving them “natural?”

As I contemplate the difficulties of motherhood, and why I have chosen the path that I have, I see how God is leading me down a path of learning what’s good for me. And more often than not, that’s what’s hard for me.

May God help me to learn not only to “endure” the hard seasons of life, but also to look for Him in those seasons. And to grow in those seasons. May I not absorb the spirit of our age — that of comfort and ease — and instead be willing to continue down the difficult path of serving my family to the glory of God.

Note: I write as someone who is still struggling through this. Sometimes when I’m having a bad day, my husband tells me to go read my own blog. Yes, I do read my own blog.

After finishing his breakfast, I told my son to sweep up the mess he had just created from eating. I then reminded him to do a good job. His tendency is to simply do the job, but not do it well or completely. As I was talking, I glanced at our kitchen wall where I had stencilled 1 Corinthians 10:31 a year ago.

Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

I directed his eyes to the verse and told him that we need to do everything in a way that is glorifying to God, including sweeping the floor. He understood and to my delight, he did a great job. This little talk only took several minutes. It wasn’t a long and arduous Bible study, just a very simple lesson. Even though it is not easy taking care of four little ones 24/7, I am thankful that I am with them 24/7 so that I can impart these little lessons.

According to SalaryWizard.com, even though I bring home all the bacon, my lovely wife deserves to keep all the money and more!!! And that’s based on conservative estimates of hours & no performance bonuses (which she deserves!).

Ever since becoming a mother, I wear many different “hats.” Among these are:

• Chief Operating Officer: My husband is CEO, but I’m in charge of getting things done around the house. And directing all the “subordinates” herein.
• Psychologist: When one of the kids is crying, I have to decipher what is going on, and it’s especially hard when the kid is not at the talking stage.
• Nurse: Those paper cuts can be darn nasty, not to mention those occasional falls.
• Judge: When the kids argue, I’m the mediator. I have to decipher who is right and who is wrong and give a pronouncement.
• Chief Cook or Chef: These kids don’t grow from eating nothing. My duty invovles making food that tastes good, as well as making sure they are healthy.
• Maid: How else will the house be kept clean and presentable?
• Personal Assistant: I dress, bathe, and feed the kids. I also do all their shopping needs.
• Chauffeur: Those little legs of theirs can’t get far. Those errands to the mall, library, and other outings require a good ‘o chauffer.
• Food Supply: That Mama’s milk is what made them thrive and gain lots of chubs for the first 15 months.
• Hair Dresser: For the boys, I spray and comb their hair. For the girl, I spray, comb, and create a nice hairdo. For all, I cut and trim their hair on a regular basis.
• Counselor: When they cry or get frustrated with each other or with a certain toy, a counselling session is neccessary.
• Interpreter: Even though I have not mastered the language of baby talk nor obtained a degree in this field, I can often interpret for the non-verbal child with an accuracy rate of 90%.
• Entertainer: My kids like to be amused so Mama is the entertainer and my repertoire includes singing, dancing, playing piano, jumping, kicking, and doing lots of wacky body maneuvers.
• Teacher: Thus far I teach the following subjects: home economics, phonics, math, reading, and Bible.
• Drill Sergeant: Who keeps the children in line? They need training and discipline.
• Social Coordinator: I organize all play dates, meetings with friends, outings, etc.
• Playmate: Someone has to be creative and come up with games and ideas to keep the little one interested.
• Shepherd: Above all, I’m called to be shepherd of my children’s souls.