Gary Thomas in his book Sacred Parenting makes the astute observation that when trials come our way, they come in bundles, meaning they come one after another tenaciously. I certainly have experienced this in my life when it comes to parenting. I often question why this is so. Why another trial? I just went through one painful one. My soul can’t handle another one, yet this is what God has prescribed.

I have a dear friend who is going through immense trials right now. Seems like every time I hear from her, something drastic has happened. Her life right now is like a huge tidal wave that comes relentlessly one after another. What do I say to her? How would I encourage her?

Thomas has some words of encouragement. He explains that the way to become mature and complete in God is through perseverance, which enables us to bear fruit.

There’s only one way to develop perseverance: We have to surrender to God as we feel pushed past the human breaking point. We have to reach the threshold of exhaustion, and then get pushed even further. One trial can help us deal with fear. Two trials can lead to wisdom. But perseverance? That takes a bundle of difficulties. All of which means that parenting extremely demanding children feeds a spiritual need in our soul – to participate in the crucial discipline of perseverance on which our fruitfulness as believers depends.

What’s neat is that perseverance is not the end goal.  God wants us not merely to have calloused souls, which can stand up to a lot.  He wants to give us hope and joy:

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope (Romans 5:3-4)

Trials in bundles are not meaningless nor are they random. They have been divinely appointed by a loving God who wants to give us hope and joy in His kind and rich providence!

The amount of work I do everyday for the little people can hamper my daily enjoyment of each child. I have heard from friends and strangers telling me, “Enjoy them while they’re young because they grow up very quickly.” This saying has become more and more prevalent in my life. Several weeks ago when I was out with all four kids, a stranger walked up and said, “Wow. . . you have your hands full. You sure are brave to be out with all of them. Enjoy them while they’re young.” This incident reminded me of a conversation I had with an older mom several years ago. This mom exhorted me to enjoy my little children, and she later confessed that she didn’t when her children were young. By the time she learned this lesson, her children were already grown. When she told me this, she had a bit of sadness on her face and some regrets as well.

Despite my busyness and occasional frustrations, I can honestly say that I do enjoy being with my children everyday. I revel in their uniqueness and their idiosyncrasies. Each one is special and each one has his/her peculiarity that tugs at my heart. I try to get on the floor with them and simply be silly. The way to my boys’ hearts is through chasing them around the house. Even though we have a no running in the house rule, I make an exceptions: only when mommy or daddy is the one who does the chasing. Their giggles and roaring laughters make my heart melt. On occasions when it is possible, I like to take just one child out on an errand. Even though going to a grocery store might seem quite mundane, it is very special for that particular child because he/she gets to spend individual time with mommy. I also love that individual time as well because it allows me to enjoy and appreciate that child’s special gifts without the distraction of the other children.

I know that moms of many children are often overwhelmed by sheer amount of work that taking the time to enjoy the children is secondary. The saying is true, “Enjoy them while they’re young because they grow up fast.” Just remember this and appreciate the children. A dose of laughter is good for a tired mama too.

Whenever I get discouraged, I try to overcome it by listening to a sermon. Over the years I have collected many wonderful sermons on my laptop, thus making it very accessible for my use. My current chapter of life is rearing the four children God gave me, and without a doubt, each day is fraught with endless tasks and challenges. This week I turned to C.J. Mahaney‘s sermon entitled “What A Mother Can’t Do Without.” As always, I was greatly encouraged.

Mahaney opened the message with a question that was asked of his wife. She was asked whether if there was one thing she would change if she could raise her daughters all over again. Her answer was, “I wished I had trusted God more.” From this, he deduced that “Faith towards God is the foundation of effective motherhood.” The main text of the message is Hebrews 11:6:

And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.

Mahaney explains that faith is utterly necessary in the Christian life because without it, we cannot please God and we cannot be effective mothers. The kind of faith described in Hebrews is the faith that trusts in God, believes that He exists, and that He gives to those who trusts in Him.

What really got my attention was a quote from Charles Bridges:

All of our failures may ultimately be traced back to defect of faith. When faith is brought into action, the extent and aggravation of difficulty is a matter of little comparative moment. Difficulties, heaped upon difficulties, can never rise to the level of the promises of God. Unbelief looks at the difficulty. Faith regards the promise. It is faith that enlivens our works with perpetual cheerfulness.

How wonderful it is to know that no matter how difficult our circumstance is, it “can never rise to the level of the promises of God.” God’s promises are sufficient. Whenever I’m having a bad day, I know it is because of lack of faith. My unbelief focuses on the difficulty which explains why there is lack of cheerfulness. In order to remain joyful and cheerful, we need to have faith.

How then do we develop faith? Mahaney explains that “Where your faith is deficient, the gospel is sufficient. Faith is the fruit of the gospel. If you will cultivate the gospel, you will experience faith. You ultimately will please God.”

Some of the things that he recommends to his wife on how to develop faith are: study the gospels, study the attributes of God, and study the promises of God. These are ways how you develop faith. The next time you feel distraught because of your circumstance, look to God and have faith that He will carry you through because His promises are above any difficulties you may encounter.

The children played on their own while I cleaned the house. I had to stop and observe for a little bit when I saw my oldest “cooked” and “served” food to his brother. He filled a bowl with “food” and placed it on the table. Then he had him sit right next to him. After this command, he held hands with him and told him that they have to pray for the food. He uttered this prayer: “Dear God, thank you for this food. Amen.”

How delightful it was for me to see this. As we go about each day doing the seemingly mundane and uninteresting tasks, the children are watching and learning. I’m reminded that my duties and sometimes burdensome work are not in vain. Once again I’m reminded of Galatians 6:9:

Let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

It is without question, lest anyone thinks otherwise, that my days are tough with four little ones. The constant demands of each one can take away any respectable energy I may have. I have failed many times in the past to be patient, loving, and kind. After a frustrating and demoralizing day, I’m reminded that the Lord makes all things new and a brand new day with a clean slate awaits me. His grace is sufficient for each day.

I find that whenever I’m faced with a difficult situation, I tend to think, “Oh Lord, how long is this going to be? Looks like this problem can go on for days, weeks, months, or years.” When my mind goes in this direction, it usually leads me to despair. I need to be constantly reminded that “His grace is sufficient for each day.” Taking one day at at a time is a good advice.

I get asked after each childbirth how I could endure an unmedicated labor, especially with a 17 hour long labor. I just said, “I take one contraction at a time.” I recall that during those long labors, I just focus on one contraction at a time without ever thinking how long my labor is going to last. Had my mind gone that direction, I believe I would have given up on a drug free labor. Handling one contraction at a time is more manageable. I often wonder why I don’t approach my life this way. Part of the reason is that I forget. Thus, I write so that I may remind myself that once again, God’s grace is sufficient for each day. Just like how I’ve handled my labor pain of managing one contraction at a time, likewise, I should take one day at a time with God’s grace. We are not without hope. God’s grace is indeed sufficient for each day’s toil.

One of Elisabeth Elliot’s recent devotional really spoke to my heart when it comes to parenting and caring for my four wee ones.

Drudgery

“I must admit I feel a lot of pressure with two children under two years of age. I am committed to do it until they are in school, however, and feel it is God’s will. At times like this–when I wonder if I will even be able to finish this letter with both of them screaming for something–or when I miss going to lunch or getting dressed up, everyday life seems a drudgery. I worked hard to get through college–to be a scrubwoman, ha!”

I understand this mother’s cry. So does the Lord. He has given us this word: “No temptation has come your way that is too hard for flesh and blood to bear. But God can be trusted not to allow you to suffer any temptation beyond your powers of endurance. He will see to it that every temptation has a way out, so that it will never be impossible for you to bear it” (1 Corinthians 10:13, PHILLIPS).

“A way out,” I can hear her say, “What mother has a way out?”

The New English Bible translation throws light on this: “a way out, by enabling you to sustain it.” Think, too, of Jesus’ words, “My yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:29 AV). He is willing to bear our burdens with us, if only we will come to Him and share the yoke, His yoke.

I saw this principle in operation when I visited the Dohnavur Fellowship in India. There, day after day, year in and year out, Indian women (most of them single) care for little children, handicapped children, infirm adults, old folks. They don’t go anywhere. They have none of our usual forms of amusement and diversion. They work with extremely primitive equipment–there is no running water, for example, no stoves but wood-burning ones, no washing machines. In one of the buildings I saw this text: “There they dwelt with the King for His work.” That’s the secret. They do it for Him. They ask for and receive His grace to do it. I saw the joy in their lovely faces.

I’ve been having a hard time recently with taking care of the children. My spiritually parched soul is desperate for a refreshment, and Elisabeth Elliot’s devotional came at the most opportune time. What I really appreciate is the text “There they dwelt with the King for His work.” I need to remember this. What I do each day for the children is for the Lord. His grace is sufficient for each day’s toil, no matter how hard it may be. I think I’m going to find a blank wall somewhere in the house and stencil this phrase.

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With Emmaline’s recent hip surgeries, life has been especially hard caring for her emotional well-being as well her physical needs. We are very grateful that she’ll only need to be in the cast for three more weeks. What a tremendous relief for all of us.

As I was driving on the road last week, I was overwhelmed with lots of emotions after talking with my husband about his prolonged visit to Emmaline’s surgeon. Without much self-control, my mind took me to a place where I didn’t want to be (or shouldn’t be). I began to grumble about all the extra work needed to care for Emmaline, many long visits to the doctors, long drives to the doctors, many visits from various therapists, etc. By the time I caught myself in a self-wallowing state, my heart was already angry.� I didn’t want to be in this condition but I just didn’t know how to change my mood.

My car stereo was on at the moment and the song “Always Forgiven” was playing.

I don’t deserve to be Your servant
And how much less to be Your child
Anger and wrath, sure condemnation
Should be my portion, my just reward
Never have seen it, never will know it
Your loving kindness enfolds my life

All You have shown me is
Grace, love and mercy
Now and forever, I am Your child
Freely You pour out Your loving kindness
Father of Grace, You welcome me in

All of the sin I have committed
Was placed upon Your righteous Son
And now You see me through His perfection
As if I’d never done any wrong
Always forgiven, always accepted
No fear of judgment before your throne.

The truth in this song grabbed hold of me. Tears fell. I realized how merciful and kind God is towards me. Who am I to complain about the extra work needed for Emmaline? What God did for me was many many times greater than what I do for Emmaline. It’s simply not comparable. My mood changed and I was no longer in a self-pitying state.

After this short episode, I find it interesting that the lyrics in this song had no direct relation to what I was going through at the moment. Yet I was affected by them. The song spoke of God’s mercy and kindness in pardoning and saving a sinner like me. I, on the other hand, was going through an emotional turmoil about caring for my daughter Emmaline. What do the two have to do with each other� Nothing much, in one sense. Yet what I experienced was the effect of gaining God’s perspective, especially as it relates to His mercy poured out on the cross and ever since. The truth of God was powerful. It changed me and it made me realize how kind God is towards me. When I finally understood this awesome act of God, my current suffering didn’t seem to matter much anymore.