Our family just got back from a homeschool family camp held at Jenness Park. Even though it was a spring camp, you wouldn’t have known it from the weather.  Beginning the first full day of the camp, it snowed over a foot and a half while we were there.  Despite the cold snow (which we didn’t adequately prepare for, clothing-wise), we had a great time at the camp.  It was such a blessing to be among fellow homeschoolers.  I love the fact that everyone, from infants to toddlers to teenagers and to adults, sat together to learn and have fun together.  This was truly a FAMILY camp.

Dr. Tommy Mitchell from Answers in Genesis came and spoke to us about creation, particularly with an emphasis on Noah and the Great Flood.  His talks held everyone, young and old, captive and engaged.  We came away much informed about the world God created.

The Wintons, a father and two sons bluegrass team, led the worship time.  I admit, I’m not a bluegrass person, but after listening to their music, I’ve been converted.  I suppose it helped that we had their CD playing continuously for three hours on the way home.  Even the kids are into the music and have been humming and singing the songs.

Among many other activities, the kids went to the great outdoors and rode on a zip line and a giant swing in the snow.

Our favorite activity was country line dancing.  What fun it is to be able to dance as a big group.

We’re all sad that the camp is over and we look forward to next year’s camp. Hopefully there won’t be snow but just sunshine.

Such as our Andrew’s declaration at the end of a day of little gifts and frequent birthday wishes.  Nevertheless, I think he enjoyed it (he said the same thing a year ago about “not feeling five.”)  Here are some photos from the day:

And the saga continues. . . . .

The original patch I made was not snug enough so I made another one out of soft fleece.  It covers his eye better and to make it more fun for him, I had him pick a special button as a decoration.  He chose a rainbow button and here’s my boy with his new and improved eye patch.

Because his face is so small, his glasses keep slipping from his nose.  No matter how we tweak the legs of the glasses or the nose pad, they just slip.  So!  Off to the internet I went to do some research.  After visiting several websites, I came up with my own version of a head strap that goes around the back of his head so to hold his glasses in place.  I’m just so happy that his glasses no longer slip and that they stay on his face.

Whooo hooo!  Mission accomplished.  I hope the saga ends here.

As I indicated in my Relational Parenting post, I’ll be sharing some of the tips I’ve learned and discovered for building a lifelong relationship with my children.  Obviously, I speak as one who’s still on the parenting journey, not as one who has arrived.  So if you have any additional suggestions, that’s what comments are for! =-)

Recently, one of my kids told me that he was afraid of telling me what he truly thought or felt for the fear that I might get upset. When I heard that, I was rather surprised because I thought I had always been approachable and assumed that my children could come to me for anything. Apparently this wasn’t the case. After much conversing, I realized that I was approachable in good times, but not so much in bad times.

So, what happened along the way? As the children get older, our relationship with them changes. We move from a person of authority to a person of influence. Rather than telling them what they need to do while they are young, we become someone who influences them to act in a way that’s pleasing to God when they are older.

We as parents need to develop “thick skin” and encourage the children to come to us for ANYTHING.  I told my children that I want them to tell me the good, the bad, and the ugly with no condemnation nor judgment.  I will hear anything they want to tell me without getting upset.  They need to feel that they can tell us anything.  I said “feel” because often times they don’t really understand all the thoughts that they have, but they know what they feel.  Their feelings may not be precise or even pinpoint their exact emotion, but they know in general whether they feel safe or not safe, secure or not secure, loved or not loved, heard or not heard, etc.  Therefore, we should create an environment where they feel safe and loved to come to us.

Parents, be aware that we might get hurt or disappointed by what the children have to say.  This isn’t easy.  Our face may twitch, our heart may sink, and our mouth may want to quickly defend ourselves, but we should learn to listen and absorb all that they have to say no matter how inaccurate their description may be.  We may have to endure verbal assaults, character assassination, wrongful accusation, etc.  But I firmly believe that if we strive to create a friendly and safe environment for our children while they’re young, they will be careful not to hurl verbal assaults on us when they are older.

I believe frequent communication is the key.  We need to keep asking them how they’re doing and how we’re doing as parents.  I’m tempted on occasions to just rush through things for efficiency’s sake, but this isn’t conducive for forging a meaningful relationship.  It takes time to talk and work through things.  We should be patient and persevere.

Last summer at a homeschool conference I attended Josh McDowell’s workshop on relational parenting.  His message struck a chord with me, and to this day I still refer to it from time to time.  There were so many important truths in his message, the main message of which was this:  “Rules without relationship leads to rebellion.”  Too often, we parents set up rules of do’s and don’ts without building and sustaining meaningful relationships with our children.  When following rules becomes the main emphasis in the home, parents put themselves in a place where they’re unable to influence their children as they grow older because a meaningful relationship hasn’t been established.  After listening to this message, I was forced to examine my parenting philosophy and practices to ensure that I’m always building a meaningful relationship with my children and not merely setting up rules for them to follow.  To clarify, McDowell wasn’t implying that we shouldn’t set up rules at all.  Rather, he’s emphasizing how critical it is that relationship serve as the foundation for any rules we might establish.

Of late one of my kids seemed more disobedient than usual and every time an offense was committed, he seemed indignant and unteachable.  I was a bit baffled by this new development.  I revisited McDowell’s message and came to the realization that with so much busyness in life, we were failing to connect with him relationally.  We can only guess how he was feeling.  Perhaps he was feeling unimportant or that we don’t care as much anymore.  Or that all we cared about was whether he conformed to our rules — and in his childlike way, was reacting out of a sense of emotional distance and isolation.  I really don’t know for sure, but I do know that he needs our attention, affection, love, and a pair of ears to listen.  We changed our course of action and sought ways to relate to him.

We noticed a positive change after several days of intentional relationship building.  It was absolutely sweet for my child to speak freely with us without any fear of judgment or condemnation.  Just the other day this child came to me and said, “Mommy, you and daddy are the best!”  I was taken back by his proclamation that I didn’t respond right away.  He immediately repeated his proclamation to make sure I hear it second time around.  My heart was full of joy.  He’s also since taken to spontaneously expressing his love to myself or my husband at random occasions.

As I reflect on our recent circumstances and resolution, I am grateful to God that we were able to remedy the situation.  Even though we know what kind of family life we want to foster, we fall off the horse from time to time.  It was a bit surprising for me because all along I thought we were moving along just fine.  It can be devastating, disappointing, or heart breaking when we fall off the horse, but regardless, we need to get back on the horse and move in the right direction.  Part of this is doing periodic checkups with one another as parents, and in less direct ways with our children, to see if we’re staying true to our original course: building meaningful relationships with our children that are meant to last a lifetime!

As I trudge through this parenting journey, I’m learning and discovering ideas and tips that enable us to be better parents, and I want to share with you in an upcoming relational parenting series. Stay tuned!