Recently we vacationed in San Diego with another family, and it was a great time together.  Our oldest and their boy got along really well, and I just love the fact that they enjoyed playing with each other.  With the two of them similar in age, they had a blast being boys and having fun at the same time.

After a couple of days, however, both sets of parents realized that these two boys were so enjoying one another’s company that they inadvertently had begun to exclude their own siblings.  The others were feeling left out and hurt as a result.  We had a chat with both boys separately, encouraging them to include their respective siblings in their fun, which they did happily thereafter.

We live in a culture that values peer relationships because we naturally gravitate towards what’s comfortable and easy.  We are very careful in making sure that our children don’t fall prey to negative peer relationships.  However, I find that even positive peer relationships can have a negative effect.  Even though our oldest was having a great time with our friend’s son, we did not want him to neglect his other siblings nor to treat this friend with more importance than his siblings.  I noticed that the more time my boy spent with our friends’ son (of similar interest and age), the more he “forgot” about his siblings.  It became harder to extract him from any activity he was engaged in.

And yet… we were greatly encouraged as we saw both boys, after being guided by their parents, begin to gladly (not begrudgingly) and intentionally work hard to ensure that their siblings were as much a part of the fun as ever.  We know that they are very much glad for their brothers and sisters (though not without frequent reminders from us).  So it gave us great joy to see these two boys not only cultivate their friendship, but to do so in an inclusive fashion.  They went from being self-centered in their fun (albeit with another self) to being other-centered, which is the heart of Christian living (“Love your neighbor as yourself”).  They thus managed not only to forge new bonds, but to strengthen the ones within their own respective families that will in all likelihood be there for their entire lives.

No doubt, in the coming years, we will face new challenges in keeping our family tight-knit.  Not only children, but parents can also lose sight of the priority of family.  Strengthening family relationships, esp. sibling relationships, takes work.  We hope that God gives us much wisdom, so that when our kids read their Bibles, and see how the New Testament refers to fellow Christians as “brothers” and “sisters,” it means much more than a distant or forced relation, but instead a very loving, lasting, and meaningful one.  And when they think of who their best friends are, their very own siblings are on the top of the list.