“High Goals, Low Expectations” is something I learned from Teri Maxwell of Titus 2 Ministries. I find this concept very helpful in how I interact with my children in regards to goals and expectations. What exactly is “High Goals, Low Expectations?” Teri Maxwell explains in her book, Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit:

I can almost be assured that if I become angry with a child, it is because my expectations match my goals for him. It is essential that we have high, godly goals for our children. We want to lead them to the best of their ability spiritually and educationally. However, in this process of moving toward the goals, we must keep our expectations lower than those goals. When I expect my child to have reached a high goal, then I am likely to become angry with him if he hasn’t. On the other hand, if I expect my child to have not yet reached the goal, then my spirit is at peace with the training and teaching process as we strive to reach those goals.

How does this concept play out in real life? For example, when it comes to sweeping the floor, I set a high goal of having my son accomplishing the task completely and thoroughly. In this specific chore, he is to push all the chairs away from the table, sweep up all the crumbs, dump the content in the garbage can, have me check his work, and then push all the chairs back to the table. This is my goal for him relating to this specific task. My personal (internal) expectation of him actually accomplishing the entire task without flaw, however, needs to be low. This doesn’t mean I have a low standard. Remember, the goal I set is high. Having a low expectation means that I don’t expect him to do it perfectly or every time. Rather than getting upset at him for not completing the task as I had taught him, I need to have the perspective of using his failure as an opportunity to train him, even if it’s the 5th, 10th, or 20th time. This may sound obvious, but since consciously applying this perspective, my attitude toward these types of tasks has improved, and I’m much less likely to be angry when my children fall short of my goals for them (and perfectly land on those low expectations!).

While visiting some friends in February, my friend Liz shared this specific perspective that she also learned from Teri Maxwell. I’m very grateful for her insight and experience in this area. She said ever since she adopted this view, her relationship with her daughter improved. I’m still in the process of learning. Just yesterday I got a bit upset at my son for not following my directions when sweeping the floor. Then I remembered “high goals, low expectation.” Again, rather than being upset at my son for not meeting my goal for him, I should change my perspective of seeing it as an opportunity to train him. This concept doesn’t merely apply to chores, but all areas of life when interacting with my children.