Recently my husband and I have been talking about college life and how unique this period is in a person’s life experience. For most people, this is an exciting and fun period because for the first time, you feel so independent and so grown up. You no longer live with your parents, you have your own apartment, you don’t have to tell anyone your whereabouts, you can hang out with friends for as late as you want to, and you come and go as you please. All of your friends are your age and you share similar struggles and life experience.

However, at some point, all the college fun must come to an end (though some prolong the experience by taking their time graduating). And when that end comes, most people get a cultural shock when they graduate and start working. All of a sudden you are part of the working world, working long hours, paying your own bills, and trying to figure out what to eat. You no longer hang out with your college buddies till the wee hours because you have to get up early in the morning to go to work. You miss your friends because they’re no longer in the same vicinity. Such sudden change depresses you and makes you long for the good old times. You wonder if this is what life is all about. To remedy your sudden change of lifestyle, you consider going back to graduate school so you can relive your college years. Or, if you’re a Christian (and that’s who I’m talking to), you look for a church that has a big group of people your age.

I’ve seen people trying to relive their college years by returning to their college fellowship functions year after year, but as they got older, they finally realized they simply had to move on. How they move on is to find other people in their life stage. If you’re still single and working, then you find like-minded people who are just like you, single in the working world. If you’re married, then you find people who are married. If you just had your first child, then you surround yourself with people who just had a child too.

Recently, I’ve been asked how I’d advise the newly graduates on adjusting to their new stage of life. After much thinking, here are a few words I’d offer to new graduates:

1. You could try to relive your college years… or you could instead grow up (seriously)! What you experienced in college was unique. Even though you felt so grown up and free, you were not truly an independent adult earning your own money and paying your own bills. So as wonderful as the memories are, God has even better things for those who live their lives in the “today” rather than “yesterday.” You could miss out on great things if you spend your time yearning for what’s past.
2. Post-college transition is often a lonely, difficult and wilderness time. It’s very difficult to move from an environment where your best buddies are next door and always available, to a time when you are working day-to-day next to people nothing like you, and “fellowship” opportunities seem so hard to come by. Consider that this may actually be a great opportunity to learn about contentment and acceptance; and to learn more about life than the artificial bubble of “peer-oriented bubble” of your first ~20 years of life provided.
3. Read and study Titus 2. The Bible has much to say about older women and men mentoring the younger generation. Don’t merely look for interaction with people your age, but seek out older people from whom you can learn (formally or informally). People who have gone before you know the struggles you’re encountering and they can often provide wise counsel.
4. One of the hardest choices most graduates face is finding a church. Don’t choose a church merely based on the availability of people in your age group. Sadly this is the first question people ask (or look for, even if they don’t ask) when looking for a church. While relevant, especially for single people (we’re being honest, right?), you might consider that:

• churches built around only fostering interaction with your own peer group (”singles”->”young marrieds”->”married with young ‘uns”->etc.) are failing to encourage some of the most important relationships (see #3)
• if you would have a godly spouse in the future, the best way to get there is to be godly. And essential to that is learning from godlier — and usually older — saints.
• Is the Word preached? Is the pastoral leadership composed of godly men? Is there discipleship, mentoring and warm Christ-centered fellowship present (regardless of age)? These are questions more rooted in Scriptural priorities than “is there a big young adult group?”

Final word, especially to our dear friends who are in this very age range. I mean no ill will for those of you who like to spend time with others in the same age range. It’s normal. Even if you scarcely sit with my zany family at fellowship meals, many of you enthusiastically interact with us and our children. =-) My heart, and my husband’s heart, are simply to see churches return more faithfully to “integrated” fellowships where saints of different backgrounds, ages, and experiences learn from each other. We thoroughly enjoy seeing how God is working in the lives of many “young people” in our church, and hope that some of what God has done and continues to do in our lives may benefit them in ways that they might not glean from peer fellowship alone.