I think most parents want their children to enjoy reading. The very expression “well-read” implies the idea of being well-informed. Evers and I ourselves love to read, and this reinforces all the more our desire to pass on this love to our children.

As of now, my oldest child, at five years old, likes to read. Whenever he is bored (and not engaged in mischief), he picks up a book and reads. However, his chief love is playing with others. Whenever we are with friends, he loves playing with other children. If I try to tell him to read in those situations, he tends to protest furiously. Is this a problem? Not at all! When we are in a social setting, I want my children to interact with others and not retreat to reading on their own in a corner. I have seen kids who would rather read than interact with others – especially with others who are in a different age group or otherwise unfamiliar. They always bring a book with them wherever they go. Even in a social setting, they retreat to a private spot to read. This kind of person I would refer to as a “bookworm.”

What’s wrong with being a “bookworm?” First, bookworms tend not to proactively interact with others and instead immerse themselves in their books. But God created us to be social beings and we should function as He has made us. Second, in my experience, bookworms can even alienate others with their reclusive behavior. There was one instance I recall when a child walked through my door with a book opened in hand, fully engaged in reading. She only greeted me when prompted by her mother, and then quickly retreated to an isolated spot in my house to read.

On the other hand, we ought to be “book lovers” and not mere “bookworms.” After all, God Himself has chosen to reveal Himself in a book! And children who grow to love to read books have been given an immense gift: a love for a key to all sorts of doors of information and enjoyment and wisdom! But it’s just as important that our children learn to love people, which is not easy to do when they are more immersed in their books than interested in being a blessing to others. In the end, parents should do the best they can to cultivate in their children (and themselves) a love of learning through reading while equally instilling a love for those around them. Whatever they might learn or enjoy by reading a book should always be kept in check by the two greatest commandments: to love God and to love our neighbors.

“Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up.” (1 Cor. 8:1 NIV)

We attended a homeschooling conference several years ago which featured John Mark Reynolds as the keynote speaker. In one of the talks, he mentioned that, on average, the brain takes about eight seconds to respond to a question. Applied to a teaching context, he recommended that a teacher should wait at least eight seconds before prompting students for an answer — thus giving them time to actually consider meaningfully the question.

Just recently I applied this principle while teaching my son. After I asked him a question, I waited and silently counted to eight. Sure enough, my son was able to produce an answer after the eight seconds were up! From time to time, I forget this principle and expect a quick answer from him. In those instances, I’ve tended to expect an answer only after two to three seconds. When I prompt him prematurely, I’m actually interrupting his thinking process! The “eight seconds wait time” is a good principle to remember when teaching your children. It has certainly taught me to be more patient and understanding.

It’s not uncommon for parents to want their children to excel in the academics by pushing them beyond their abilities or when their children are simply not ready yet. The result can be devastating because the child often can become frustrated.  Worse yet, they can come to think they’re just dumb or stupid and quit on learning altogether — instead of growing to love learning. In contrast, I really believe in teaching my children at their own pace and not pressuring them or pushing them beyond their ability.

We grew up in the Chinese culture, which deems education as the number one priority in life.  Postgraduate degrees, especially doctorates, are viewed with great importance — even if the person with the degree is in all other ways ill-suited to excel in “real life.”  This kind of prioritization is why we often see Chinese children excel in academics.  It is also, conversely, why we scarcely many of them participating in extracurricular activities that won’t “get them into top universities.”  As an example, when we were in China almost two years ago, we saw many children of various ages with heavy backpacks boarding buses going somewhere on the weekend.  We were told that these children were going to a tutoring club or a study session of some sort.  School for them was seven days a week and play time was non-existent after the age of three.  Weekend study was necessary so that they could compete with other students during the week.  These children were considered privileged because their parents could afford the expensive tutoring service.  Such practices can frequently be found among Chinese communities here in the United States.

As a Chinese homeschooling mom, my natural inclination is to focus more on the academics, and at times put extra pressure on my children to “keep up.”  I’m obviously not immune to the influence of the culture in which I grew up.  However, because I know my upbringing and cultural inclination, I often try to objectively evaluate my teaching approach.  My husband’s feedback is also a good gauge of whether I’m pushing my children beyond their abilities.

What happens if there’s a sense that my child is feeling a bit pressured?  When we get stuck, I try to explain it again in a different way and if he still doesn’t understand, we abandon the lesson for a little while.  Sometimes it’s days, sometimes weeks or even months.  I find that after taking a hiatus, my son usually gets the lesson right away.  With this approach, my son has done quite well in school.  Of course, we’ve occasionally had to (re-)learn this lesson the hard way, with both mom and child feeling frustrated or even in tears.  I have to remember that my goal is not simply to teach my children academic subjects, but to instill in them a lifelong love of learning.

Some parents have unrealistic expectations of their children by placing an academic goal based on age.  For example, to learn how to read by 4 years or to do division by age 7.  While some children can read by age 4, not all can accomplish this task.  What’s important is knowing your child’s academic abilities and steer your child’s learning based on that.  Remember that each child is different.  One of the beauties of homeschooling is the ability to custom tailor a child’s educational pace to his or her child’s given academic abilities.

About a month ago I decided to be more consistent in Bible reading for our homeschool. Since then I have started reading the Bible to my older three children shortly after breakfast.  I have all three of them sit on the couch and I sit in a chair directly facing them. They are to sit quietly and listen, without any toys, pillows, or blankets. In the past I had allowed a small toy or blanket for each child, but it always became disruptive. As a result, I decided to put away all distractions and just have them sit and listen.

I’m using the Robert M’Cheyne Bible reading plan. I read a chapter in the Old Testament and a chapter in the New Testament. During the reading, the children are free to ask questions politely about the passages that we’re reading, for clarification or further understanding.  Then I follow up with a corresponding chapter in For the Love of God by Don Carson. Finally, I ask for prayer requests and then pray. The morning devotional usually takes about 15-20 minutes. I have been blessed by this reading and prayer each morning. I am pleasantly surprised that I find myself looking forward to Bible reading each morning with the children.

The other day, I was really encouraged (and surprised) by Emmaline (2 years old) who has some speech development delays. When I asked if the children had any prayer requests, she piped up and made a prayer request. In her somewhat discernible way, she told me that she wanted to pray for baby J, a friend’s baby who is still critically ill in the hospital. We had been praying for baby J and she remembered and wanted to pray for him again. I was so surprised and it sure warmed my heart. It is indeed a blessing when we come and read and pray over God’s Word.