Recently I started working through the alphabet with my three-year-old. I have tried several different ways in the past but with no success. In the past, though, he either lost interest or I simply forgot to review the letters with him. This time I decided to teach him one letter a week.

Here’s my approach: I print out a coloring page for each letter and glue each page on a manila folder so I have a total of 26 folders. When I teach each letter, I make sure I teach both the upper and lower case. I have him point out the letter and say, for example, “big A” or “small a”. Afterwards I have him point to each picture and locate the letter “a”. I also teach the letter sound. After he can recognize the letter, I tell him what sound the letter makes. For the following day, I find a picture in a magazine, ad, or catalog that starts with the letter of the week. For example, if we are studying the letter “a”, I cut out a picture of the apple and paste it on the inside of the folder. I write the word “apple” below the picture.

My son really enjoys this little activity. My oldest one likes helping me locate pictures and write the names. The whole process takes about five minutes. I review the letter again the following day and cut out new pictures for that letter. I move on to the next letter when I know he knows the letter well. When we are studying a new letter, I make sure I review the previously learned letters as well. Thus far my son seems to enjoy learning his letters and he’s catching on quite well!

Functioning within a busy household, it’s very natural for me to just assign a task to my children and have them do it while I go and finish up a different chore. While this is not a bad strategy, I was recently reminded by my husband to come alongside our children as they work. That is, to work with them, not merely to have them work. This reminded me of something Gregg Harris said at the CHEA homeschool convention last month. He gave an example of a father assigning his son to paint a fence while the father goes to the other end to paint. While this isn’t a bad strategy as it is the more efficient way, it is far better, from a parenting perspective, for the father to work right next to the son and paint with him. By working together, the father creates invaluable opportunities to converse and enjoy the work together. I have recently lost sight of this principle. Many times I think about efficiency in how quickly I or the children can get the house organized. I forget the fact that it is while we are working together, we can actually enjoy what we do, which results in enjoying each other’s presence. Which is a far more important goal than merely completing tasks.

Today when I assigned my son the task of stacking some cloth diapers, he was reluctant and complained a bit. Normally I would have him quit complaining and tell him to get to work. After all, I have other chores to do around the house. I remembered Gregg Harris’ words so I decided to help him do the task together. His burden became light and he finished the chore lot faster, not necessarily because I was helping but because he felt he wasn’t alone in it. As I reflected on this, building a strong relationship with my son is lot more important than getting a job done. Doing a job together helps to build a strong relationship with him. I pray that next time I’m tempted to merely get the job done that I would remember this principle and come alongside my children.

On many occasions people tell me that the reason they only have one or two kids is because they’re just not a natural or good at parenting. When they find out that I have four children or (for example) that I make clothes for my children, the comment I typically get is, “I can’t do what you do. I’m just not good with kids.” It seems that there’s a perception that some have a natural talent for mothering. I’ve wondered about this idea for some time. Is there a natural talent at being a good parent? Is there not also some personal effort involved in addition to whatever “natural talent” exists? These are just some of the questions that have run through my mind.

We often hear that so-and-so is good with kids or that this person is a natural with children because he knows how children think and play. I do believe some people are just good with kids and they really know how to make kids laugh and giggle. We often see kids flock to such people. So, yes, there seems to be a natural ability. I know people like that. They are magnets to children and they revel in that. As for me, I don’t think I belong in this category.

But, assuming there is such a thing as a “gifting” or natural inclination toward those traits that children flock to, how necessary is such a gift toward faithful parenting? As a comparison, no one would deny that Wolfgang Mozart was a gifted music composer, writing all of his over 600 compositions before his untimely death at age 35. And Yo-Yo Ma is an amazingly talented cellist, able to perform a diverse spectrum pieces with great skill and beauty. But does their special degree of talent mean that none of us “normal folks” should ever attempt to be a musician? I think the answer is clear: invoking the “I’m no Mozart” defense holds no weight with piano teachers, and invoking the “I’m not good with kids” defense should have little weight in determining how (or whether) we parent.

I do not possess a natural ability in parenting or being a mom. What then? I work at it, and I work hard. Both my husband and I are readers and when we want to know something, we read and read. We also interact with families where we get hands-on experience with children. When we were first married, we knew our priorities and after orienting ourselves accordingly, we worked at achieving and maintaining those priorities. One of the priorities was having me stay home with our children and living solely on my husband’s income. Two months prior to my son’s birth, I quit a job that I loved. I didn’t regret it nor lament it because the decision to stay home with my baby had already been decided. I considered the privilege of raising my own children a priority and a high calling from God. Thus, in many ways, by hard work and commitment and a love for my children, I’ve come to a place in life where observers often comment — sometimes after reading this blog — what a “natural” I am at being a mother! The truth is, you could say, I became a “natural.”

With this God-given role and the daunting task of shaping my children’s souls, I take my responsibility seriously. I spend a lot of time studying and researching about children and how I can be an effective and godly mother to my own. I spend a lot of time interacting with my children and teaching them. Recently I was asked how I’m so knowledgeable about children, homemaking, and homeschooling. The answer was simple: I work at it!

For those who think that they don’t have a natural ability in parenting, the honest truth is, few of us are “Mozarts” in this calling. But God has promised to supply, through His Word and His people, the means to become an excellent parent. If you are a parent, God has placed you in this specific role. Look to Him to provide, and apply yourself to the best of your ability. What the missionary pioneer William Carey famously said applies to parenting as much as anything else in life:

Expect great things from God;
Attempt great things for God.

Lois recently posted on how television watching can have a massive negative effect on our hearts and our time. I think it’s not too much to say that not only television watching, but web surfing, video game playing, music listening, movie viewing, and other prominent activities in our entertainment culture are similar black holes, when done without constraint and careful moderation.

Desiring God recently posted an audio excerpt of John Piper’s comments from the Gospel Coalition conference, titled “Netflix and Hell.” He expresses eloquently the fundamental problems with undiscerningly participating in our surrounding culture. Paraphrased,

1. Our culture is obsessed with entertainment (cf. Neil Postman’s classic book Amusing Ourselves to Death). The success of NetFlix is an example of that.
2. When Christians absorb the culture around them (or are absorbed by it), they end up looking (and acting) just like the world.
3. Christians should rather be “obsessed” with God, not simply spending our lives seeking “entertainment” — however “clean” or rated “G” it may be.
4. All this while people are going to hell. And we are the only ones with the message that can deliver them from that fate.

As usual, Piper is Biblical, insightful and prudent and compels me to examine my life and priorities, “for the days are evil.” Here’s a transcript of his brief comments:

The fact that Christ has come, that he’s died, that he’s risen, that he reigns, that he’s beckoning me to know him, fully spend eternity with him and come with the fruits of my life into his presence makes me want very much not to buy into NetFlix. I said to Noel the other day (it’s a concrete thing, right off the front burner, she was talking to me about these deals, now, on the web where you can not just rent videos or dvds once a week & have ‘em sent to you, but now you can download them or you will be able to soon):

“You know, Noel, I’m afraid for us as a family, and for my church, of the entertainment culture that we live in. Almost everybody - because of the internet largely - is thinking, ‘Maximize entertainment. How many movies can I see? How many iPod songs can I listen to? How many games can I load onto this computer? How many gadgets can I have?’ And pretty soon you wake up and realize Christians are just like everybody else, they’re just maximizing surround sound.’

“‘And every night, let’s eat, let’s sit back, let’s put our feet up and watch clean videos’… while the world goes to hell. And I just don’t want to be part of that. I’ve just got a teeny little life to live, and only what’s done for Christ will last.”

So what’s driving me is the lostness of the world, I really believe in hell. And I’d rather that people not go there if I can have any influence upon them not to go there. I want to maximize my joy in God, and I know that happens through service. “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” So what’s driving me is: hell is horrible, eternity is long, Christ is beautiful, my heart is designed for him, and I want to maximize my joy and take as many with me into that everlasting pleasure that I can.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading Gary Thomas’ Sacred Parenting. His writing engages the reader through various stories and examples. This is one of those books that I want to read in one sitting, but can’t due to lack of time. The book is appropriately subtitled: “Sacred Parenting: How raising children shapes our souls.” This is exactly what the book is about. If I could sum up the book in a sentence, it would be: Parenting is a sacred task by which we may learn how to be holy and sanctified.

When it comes to parenting most of us think about how we can help shape our children’s souls, and while this is a proper perspective, we often miss the other side of the coin where our children can help shape our souls as well. This is precisely the author’s point. He encourages parents to think of our children as little teachers. Thomas isn’t arguing that children are our authority or that we are equal. Parents are still their children’s authority figures. Rather, the work of raising children has much to teach us about love, sacrifice, self-denial, God’s love, patience, etc. With gracious instruction and helpful stories, Thomas does a good job of setting the reader’s mind and heart in the right direction of looking at how she can parent not only for the sake of her children’s soul, but her own as well!

If you’re looking for a book on how to raise your children, this is not that book (as Thomas freely admits). However, if you’re searching for a primer on ways that God can use your experience as a parent to grow in understanding and living in His will, I wholeheartedly recommend this book.

Ever since we were married we decided not to have a television in our house. We have a projector and built-in projection screen where we can watch videos when we want. Our children are used to not having a television around and they only watch occasional videos from the library. On average they watch about one video every two weeks.

When we were vacationing in Yosemite two weeks ago, we had a TV in our hotel room. We had the children watch some cartoon shows while we busied ourselves with other things. What amused me was that my children don’t understand the concept of commercials. They got upset at the fact that after about 10 minutes of viewing, the commercials came up, and then the show resumed, and so on. When they want to watch a show, they want to watch the whole thing and not have it get broken up to different segments. My three-year-old got distraught because he thought we changed the channel on him.

As I understand it, besides the sponsorship of different products and companies, one of the reasons that the TV shows are broken up to different segments is based on the belief that most people cannot retain information for a long duration. People can better retain information if the information is given in spurts. My children are not used to this and they can better retain the information/story if it’s given as a whole, not in pieces. In fact, they get upset that the story gets interrupted with other things that don’t relate to the story.

After a day or two of TV watching, my oldest understood the concept of commercials. Instead of getting upset, he started watching the commercials with interest. As each commercial pitched their product, my son would say to me, “Mommy, sometimes [sic], can we get this ______ (name of the product)?” At first I thought it was somewhat amusing. Then I noticed a pattern. Whatever he saw on the TV, he wanted it. Why not? It looked quite appealing and why wouldn’t a five-year-old want a toy, or candy, or some other attractive item? This got me thinking. If my children regularly sat in front of a TV, I would spend more time in explaining and arguing with them that they don’t need this toy or that product. I have seen kids nagging, whining, and begging their parents for the latest gadget or toy, and sadly most parents succumb to such requests. As soon as their children are appeased with the newest toy, the battle continues, because a different and better toy is on the market. I believe this type of want (read: discontent!) from children is cultivated and reinforced from TV watching. All the products on the commercials seem so appealing and they create a desire to want more and more.

I am not advocating that people should abandon their TVs nor that the godly thing to do is to toss the TV. Each family should review their priorities and decide for themselves. However, consider the observations I have pointed out. Because we don’t have a TV, we have more time to do other things. It is too easy to waste time without really knowing it through TV watching. Many people have asked me in the past how I find the time to blog, read, sew, cook, clean, or do other things, and I have to say that not having a TV has freed me to do accomplish such tasks.

This April I had the privilege of attending the CHEA homeschool convention with Gregg and Sono Harris as the main speakers. In one of the workshops, Gregg mentioned that boredom is a good thing: it simply means the child is mentally hungry. Just as we feed our children good food when they’re physically hungry, we need to feed our children’s minds when they are mentally hungry. Just as we are careful to feed our children healthy food instead of junk food, we need to feed our children’s minds with healthy “mental food’ when they tell us that they’re “bored!”

I’ve been reflecting on this idea because my oldest is often bored whenever he is not engaged in any activity. Simply telling him to go play is not constructive enough for him. What usually happens is that he gets in trouble only few minutes in to the play time. I often lament the fact that he can’t play by himself or that he gets bored so easily. Now I know that he is actually hungry, mentally. With this proper perspective, I now know how to feed his mind. I’m constantly researching good books for him to read and hands-on activities for him to do. Instead of complaining that he gets bored easily, I’m happy to know that his mind is extremely active and that he craves mental food. We have since increased his school time to more subjects and activities.

Even though this is harder on me, I know it benefits my son tremendously. His mind is active and I want to make a good use of this critical period. He loves learning and I love the fact that he loves to learn.