Pulpit Magazine has a good post today on ways that parents can either intentionally or unwittingly violate the admonition given in Ephesians 6:4a: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger…” It was a good reminder to me, and I commend it to our readers who are parents (or plan on becoming parents someday). The post itself was adapted from John MacArthur’s commentary on Ephesians.

Here are the eight ways that MacArthur suggests parents might provoke their children:

1. Well–meaning overprotection
2. Favoritism
3. Pushing achievement beyond reasonable bounds
4. Discouragement
5. By parents’ failing to sacrifice for their children and making them feel unwanted
6. Failing to let children grow up at a normal pace [i.e., reproving them for being childish, when they are, well, children!]
7. Using love as a tool of reward or punishment
8. Physical and verbal abuse

A commenter on the original post added another point to MacArthur’s list that I think is also quite common: modeling anger in front of our children is probably the most common way to provoke our children to anger. For this particular tendency, I’d recommend Lou Priolo’s excellent book, The Heart of Anger.

I think I have perhaps been most guilty of #5 (sacrificing “my” time) and #6 on occasion, and appreciate the timely reminder as my oldest turns five next week. It’s so easy to expect him to act more “mature,” forgetting that he is still technically barely old enough to enter kindergarten! Not, of course, that we are to be conformed to our world’s pitifully low expectation of youth. Yet there is wisdom in the reminder that children will be childish. Part of our task as parents is to shape and mold and encourage them — not simply rebuke them for acting “their age” — to learn to help them long for maturity. Just as we should encourage young believers to grow up in their faith and not chide them for a lack of “maturity” at the point of conversion.

At the end of the original post, there is also a very thoughtful quote from a Christian father, whose children are grown up, on how he would do things differently. Do take a moment to prayerfully read through the original post. I trust it will help and encourage you as it did me. Thanks be to God that His Fatherhood is perfect and gives us something to imitate as we father (and mother) our children. What amazing grace!