Up until graduating from college, I was primarily in an age-segregated social environment. I went to elementary, middle, and high schools with peers who were my age. I was involved in church primarily within youth group contexts and went on many social activities such as youth camping trips or other youth group only outings. Later, I went to college and studied along with students my age, and in my leisure time, hung out with friends who were my age. All in all, I didn’t really socialize with people who weren’t my age. At the time I really enjoyed hanging out with my peers because after all, it was fun going through the same life stages together.

A year after I graduated from college I was in a small church where the worship service was not age-segregated, meaning everyone from babies to adults sat together. Weekly meetings were conducted in the similar fashion. It was different from my accustomed peer-dominated life. Eventually, relationships between different age groups began to build and I saw a positive change in my life. Even though I was still single at the time, I interacted with other singles, married couples, married coupled with kids, and grandparents. These intergenerational relationships became more than  an aberration, but a meaningful presence in my life.
I didn’t truly appreciate these types of intergenerational relationships until I became a parent. Having a child is a very significant life-changing event, and I believe this is the life stage when many people first realize a desire for someone older who can encourage them along this path or someone who can understand the challenges they face as a new mom or dad. When you finally reach a stage where you want to build relationships with someone older, it is often not easy if you are used to interacting with peers for most of your life. Even though this may be the case, I’d still like to argue that one can still build this type of relationships if you are motivated.

Recently we received an email from a friend whose children are grown. His email was very encouraging to me because at the time I felt like I was too overwhelmed in raising four little ones that I couldn’t see the the light at the end of the tunnel. This friend has already made it through to the other side and offered hope and encouragement. His email was very helpful, and I believe developing friendships with these type of people will encourage us along.

Over the years we have many different people of various ages come to our home for dinner. More recently we had a couple in their 70’s (who have many grandchildren) over for dinner and it was simply a joy listening to their stories. So much history and so many adventures. What really warmed my heart was my children enjoying this couple’s presence. They didn’t mind that this couple was much older than them. That the couple enjoyed our children rather than ignored them was also a factor, I think, which goes to show that reaching across generations doesn’t simply mean getting along with older folks, but younger too!
As I think of intergenerational relationships, I’m reminded of Titus 2 where older men and older women are commanded to teach the younger men and women. I believe the younger men and women are to seek out the older men and women for counsel and relationships. We are also teaching our children to interact with people of different ages.

This blog post isn’t to denounce peer relationships, but simply to encourage intergenerational relationships. I believe peer friendships are very easy to develop and come more readily, but don’t let this be the only relationship you have. There is much to learn and glean from people who are older (and often, from younger as well). With our culture catering to every individual age group in secular and even church settings, usually by segregating them, it has become harder and foreign to develop relationships with people outside of one’s age group.  I encourage you to think (and act) differently.