When one of the kids wrong another, I have the guilty apologize to the offended party. On one of these occasions, my oldest said to the younger one, “I’m sorry for hitting you, BUT YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE TAKEN MY TOY!” I immediately intervened and taught the older child that this isn’t the right way to apologize. When making an apology, one should apologize for the wrong that the guilty has done, and nothing else. This isn’t an opportunity to point out the wrong the other party has incurred at the point of conflict. I also make a point that I will deal justly with the other party to ensure that no wrong has been done onto the other. The children are still learning this lesson. It is not an easy lesson when self interest is on the line.

As I reflect on this type of half-apology I realized something. I, too, have been guilty of pointing the finger while making an apology. My son learned this very technique from me. On several occasions I have said the following to my son, “Hunny, I’m sorry for yelling at you, but you were so wild and disobedient that you made me yell.” Hmmm… this isn’t a true apology. I, too, am learning how to properly repent without vilifying the other. Children are like little mirrors. They reflect the parents’ attitudes, behaviors, and actions. We normally don’t see ourselves in the mirror when behaving badly. The first time we see our children act just the way we act, that’s when we see our own ugliness. When this happens, let us all learn and repent and behave in a way that’s glorifying to God.

Earlier this week my husband left for a five-day business trip and this was the first time he was away from home since our first child was born. Unsurprisingly, everyone missed him, especially our oldest. He had the most difficult time as he cried hard on the first day during nap time. He settled down only after much consoling.

The next morning he drew a picture of a person crying and showed it to me. I was rather surprised that he drew a sad person, a deviation from his usual happy face drawings. He went on to explain that he was the very person depicted in the picture. He then drew a rectangle around the stick figure and explained that it was the bed with four posts at each corner, just like his own bed. He sure missed his daddy. Even though it’s hard to see how sad and hurt he is to be without his daddy, it warms my heart that he longs for him and is firmly attached to him. This is the way it’s suppose to be and I’m glad that it is.

Lately I’ve been following along Research-China.org blog on child abandonment in China.  The stories are fascinating, but the latest installment brought much sadness as it detailed the death of an infant due to hunger and cold.  It also stirred up a bit of anger in me toward those whose careless and emotional detachment led to a completely avoidable death of an abandoned baby girl.
I must admit that ever since our adoptive daughter Emmaline came home with us we have struggled with various issues such as bonding, physical and emotional problems.  Though our current situation is much improved, occasional frustrations still flare up due to existing issues.  Even though reading the above blog concerning child abandonment stirred up sadness and anger in me, it was probably good for me to be reminded of such disregard for human life, a life that was created in God’s image.  The story caused me to think about Emmaline.  She could have suffered the same fate, but God sought fit to have her with us.  It was God who moved us to adopt through James 1:27:

Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.

Without making too many assumptions about the reasons behind child abandonment in China, reading of the above incident helps to remind me that the gospel, and those who live by it, must have a different sort of response altogether toward “inconvenient children”:

And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them. (Mark 10:13-16)

If you have boys or want insights on how to raise boys, Douglas Wilson’s book Future Men is a must read. As with Wilson’s other books, his writes with much conviction, wisdom, and bluntness. When reading his books, one always knows what Wilson’s points are because his points are very clear and straightforward.

The book is divided into four sections:

1. Understanding Future Men: This explains what masculinity is and what characterizes the definition of masculinity.
2. Molding Future Men: This section calls for the fathers to model for their future men in the making.
3. Future Men Against Themselves: This section discusses the kind of sins men are prone to and how parents can help in directing their paths.
4. Future Men with Others: This section deals with relationships with other people such as mothers, sisters, friends, etc. In addition, topics such as school work, book reading, sports, and competitions are discussed.

The only chapter I would not heartily recommend is chapter 4 (“A Covenant Home”) because it is rooted in a Covenant Theology framework of thinking about children (i.e., “covenant children”), which we do not agree with and find, at best, difficult to defend from the Scriptures.  Thus, this chapter can be simply skipped if you do not share the same conviction as CT’ers.

Whenever I get discouraged, I try to overcome it by listening to a sermon. Over the years I have collected many wonderful sermons on my laptop, thus making it very accessible for my use. My current chapter of life is rearing the four children God gave me, and without a doubt, each day is fraught with endless tasks and challenges. This week I turned to C.J. Mahaney‘s sermon entitled “What A Mother Can’t Do Without.” As always, I was greatly encouraged.

Mahaney opened the message with a question that was asked of his wife. She was asked whether if there was one thing she would change if she could raise her daughters all over again. Her answer was, “I wished I had trusted God more.” From this, he deduced that “Faith towards God is the foundation of effective motherhood.” The main text of the message is Hebrews 11:6:

And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.

Mahaney explains that faith is utterly necessary in the Christian life because without it, we cannot please God and we cannot be effective mothers. The kind of faith described in Hebrews is the faith that trusts in God, believes that He exists, and that He gives to those who trusts in Him.

What really got my attention was a quote from Charles Bridges:

All of our failures may ultimately be traced back to defect of faith. When faith is brought into action, the extent and aggravation of difficulty is a matter of little comparative moment. Difficulties, heaped upon difficulties, can never rise to the level of the promises of God. Unbelief looks at the difficulty. Faith regards the promise. It is faith that enlivens our works with perpetual cheerfulness.

How wonderful it is to know that no matter how difficult our circumstance is, it “can never rise to the level of the promises of God.” God’s promises are sufficient. Whenever I’m having a bad day, I know it is because of lack of faith. My unbelief focuses on the difficulty which explains why there is lack of cheerfulness. In order to remain joyful and cheerful, we need to have faith.

How then do we develop faith? Mahaney explains that “Where your faith is deficient, the gospel is sufficient. Faith is the fruit of the gospel. If you will cultivate the gospel, you will experience faith. You ultimately will please God.”

Some of the things that he recommends to his wife on how to develop faith are: study the gospels, study the attributes of God, and study the promises of God. These are ways how you develop faith. The next time you feel distraught because of your circumstance, look to God and have faith that He will carry you through because His promises are above any difficulties you may encounter.

Up until graduating from college, I was primarily in an age-segregated social environment. I went to elementary, middle, and high schools with peers who were my age. I was involved in church primarily within youth group contexts and went on many social activities such as youth camping trips or other youth group only outings. Later, I went to college and studied along with students my age, and in my leisure time, hung out with friends who were my age. All in all, I didn’t really socialize with people who weren’t my age. At the time I really enjoyed hanging out with my peers because after all, it was fun going through the same life stages together.

A year after I graduated from college I was in a small church where the worship service was not age-segregated, meaning everyone from babies to adults sat together. Weekly meetings were conducted in the similar fashion. It was different from my accustomed peer-dominated life. Eventually, relationships between different age groups began to build and I saw a positive change in my life. Even though I was still single at the time, I interacted with other singles, married couples, married coupled with kids, and grandparents. These intergenerational relationships became more than  an aberration, but a meaningful presence in my life.
I didn’t truly appreciate these types of intergenerational relationships until I became a parent. Having a child is a very significant life-changing event, and I believe this is the life stage when many people first realize a desire for someone older who can encourage them along this path or someone who can understand the challenges they face as a new mom or dad. When you finally reach a stage where you want to build relationships with someone older, it is often not easy if you are used to interacting with peers for most of your life. Even though this may be the case, I’d still like to argue that one can still build this type of relationships if you are motivated.

Recently we received an email from a friend whose children are grown. His email was very encouraging to me because at the time I felt like I was too overwhelmed in raising four little ones that I couldn’t see the the light at the end of the tunnel. This friend has already made it through to the other side and offered hope and encouragement. His email was very helpful, and I believe developing friendships with these type of people will encourage us along.

Over the years we have many different people of various ages come to our home for dinner. More recently we had a couple in their 70′s (who have many grandchildren) over for dinner and it was simply a joy listening to their stories. So much history and so many adventures. What really warmed my heart was my children enjoying this couple’s presence. They didn’t mind that this couple was much older than them. That the couple enjoyed our children rather than ignored them was also a factor, I think, which goes to show that reaching across generations doesn’t simply mean getting along with older folks, but younger too!
As I think of intergenerational relationships, I’m reminded of Titus 2 where older men and older women are commanded to teach the younger men and women. I believe the younger men and women are to seek out the older men and women for counsel and relationships. We are also teaching our children to interact with people of different ages.

This blog post isn’t to denounce peer relationships, but simply to encourage intergenerational relationships. I believe peer friendships are very easy to develop and come more readily, but don’t let this be the only relationship you have. There is much to learn and glean from people who are older (and often, from younger as well). With our culture catering to every individual age group in secular and even church settings, usually by segregating them, it has become harder and foreign to develop relationships with people outside of one’s age group.  I encourage you to think (and act) differently.

Back in November 2006, my husband posted on our blog that we were struggling with worshipping together as a family on Sunday mornings as the children were very wiggly and disruptive. Since that frustrating Sunday, we have discussed at lengths with various people. Those who have gone before us encouraged us to persevere for we will see fruit in the future.

Now four months later, I can honestly say that I’m greatly encouraged by my children on Sundays. They are not perfect, and we still need to address occasional disruptive behaviors, but in general they are very well behaved during the service. It is very precious for me to be with my children on a Sunday morning, worshipping together. This past Sunday, a woman sat behind us commented later that she was encouraged to see our family sitting together quietly. She also mentioned that it may be difficult for the parents, i.e. us, to pay attention because of the children. Upon hearing that, I can certainly echo this sentiment, but not recently. I have been able to pay attention to the sermon and take notes and attend to the children at the same time. All in all, God is gracious and has been good to us. We are indeed seeing some fruits of our labor.