Several weeks ago when we were at the store looking at Christmas ornaments, I told my son that he could pick out a box for us to purchase. He was very thrilled and selected one that he liked. When I saw his selection I said, “That’s a good pick!” as it was the exact one I had in mind. He looked on with satisfaction and said in agreement, “Yeah, it’s a good pick.” It was then I realized I had said something affirming to him. He was happy and content that he did something that I, as his mother, approved of and looked favorably upon.

Several days later he brought one of the ornaments from the newly purchased box to me, I looked at it and commented that it was a pretty ornament. My son nodded and said, “Yes, because it’s a good pick.” He still remembered what I said. This little incident made me realize that one little praise or affirmation goes a long way for him. Every child needs praise and affirmation from his parents. They thrive in this kind of environment. This was a good reminder for me to continue to pour on praises where it is due.

My mom told me some time ago that she finds it odd that whenever my children do something good, I say a lot of phrases such as “good job, well done, that’s great.” She said this was foreign to her. She didn’t need to explain as I already understood. I believe there are a lot of positive things about the Chinese people, however, when it comes to praising one’s own children, it is very lacking. This is simply not part of the Chinese culture. Yet, it is so necessary. More often, it seems, the “Chinese way” to offer negative incentive, under the assumption that continually raising the bar will make a child aspire to more.  When, in reality, it often simply proves a means to discouraged and disheartened children.

Every child wants to gain the approval of his parents. As I strive to be a godly mother to my children, may God grant me the wisdom to encourage and praise my children.