Whenever my 4 1/2 year old talks, I’m usually amused because his face is full of expressions with hands gesturing everywhere to get his point across. It was not until the other day that both my husband and I realized that he talks like ME! He’s a miniature version of ME! Even the intonation of certain words are an exact replica of mine. The various expressions he uses are mine. Even the way he stands while talking is an imitation of me. Wow. . . . very amusing and sobering at the same time. Sobering because my son imitates, with or without being intentional, and he can easily imitate my bad examples.

I just finished listening to CJ Mahaney’s The Power of Example (Part 1 of 2 of Gospel-Centered Parenting) where he talks about the importance of being an example to your children. This is a good reminder because I often forget how I act or behave in front of my children, whether good or bad, is an example to them. They see everything and are very perceptive. The thrust of the message is that we parents need to uphold the centrality of the gospel in all aspects of our lives so that our children may see us and imitate. I admit that recently I haven’t been a good example to my children. I readily raise my voice with them and say things that are not helpful nor encouraging. This is a daily struggle. May the Lord help me in being a good example to my children despite difficult days.

Sometimes when I share with friends about my struggles with my boys, I half jokingly say that when my boys sin, they sin boldly. Their transgressions are very obvious. I often shake my head in disbelief that their sins are so blatant. Right after I tell them not to touch a certain object, they touch it, and that is with them looking at me in the eyes. My more conniving side of me comes out and thinks, “Why would they sin so blatant right in front of me, knowing that they will get disciplined for their actions? Don’t they want to be less obvious?” I, of course, shake my head in disbelief once again. My husband then reminds me that he would rather have them sin boldly than to sin in secrecy. It is easier to discipline boys because their sins are usually more obvious and in-your-face. They are simple creatures. This is, I’m told, different from girls in general who are more secretive. They rebel differently and can get away with more because it is not as easy to catch attitude issues. This is not to say that my boys don’t have attitude problems. In fact, this is one of the areas that we’re currently working on with our oldest.

It is easy to discipline for obvious disobedience such as not obeying when told to do a certain thing but didn’t. What if the child obeys outwardly but his body language tells you otherwise? What about whining? What about having a sour face? To me these are more serious because they convey what is in the heart. If the parents aren’t vigilant, the children can get away with such sins and will eventually fester to more problems. We are actively communicating with our children that attitudes are important. When we require them to obey, we mean to obey cheerfully. Even though they are outwardly obedient, inwardly they are not. Matthew 23:25-26 comes to mind:

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. You blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and the plate, that the outside also may be clean.”

Jesus rebuked the Pharisees for what was in their hearts even though outwardly they were exemplary people worthy of respect and honor. Outward behavior is not always indicative of the heart, but the heart is most indicative of who we truly are.  Thus, we must first address what is in the heart in order to be truly clean on the outside. This is why it is important for us to discipline our children for attitude problems. I know that as they get older, they will become smarter and figure out how they can disobey without getting caught. Parenting will inevitably become more challenging. However, if we are diligent in disciplining even for the slightest remark or attitude problem while they are young, we will have a greater influence in their lives and help guide them through the more turbulent years.

It is without question, lest anyone thinks otherwise, that my days are tough with four little ones. The constant demands of each one can take away any respectable energy I may have. I have failed many times in the past to be patient, loving, and kind. After a frustrating and demoralizing day, I’m reminded that the Lord makes all things new and a brand new day with a clean slate awaits me. His grace is sufficient for each day.

I find that whenever I’m faced with a difficult situation, I tend to think, “Oh Lord, how long is this going to be? Looks like this problem can go on for days, weeks, months, or years.” When my mind goes in this direction, it usually leads me to despair. I need to be constantly reminded that “His grace is sufficient for each day.” Taking one day at at a time is a good advice.

I get asked after each childbirth how I could endure an unmedicated labor, especially with a 17 hour long labor. I just said, “I take one contraction at a time.” I recall that during those long labors, I just focus on one contraction at a time without ever thinking how long my labor is going to last. Had my mind gone that direction, I believe I would have given up on a drug free labor. Handling one contraction at a time is more manageable. I often wonder why I don’t approach my life this way. Part of the reason is that I forget. Thus, I write so that I may remind myself that once again, God’s grace is sufficient for each day. Just like how I’ve handled my labor pain of managing one contraction at a time, likewise, I should take one day at a time with God’s grace. We are not without hope. God’s grace is indeed sufficient for each day’s toil.

Several weeks ago when we were at the store looking at Christmas ornaments, I told my son that he could pick out a box for us to purchase. He was very thrilled and selected one that he liked. When I saw his selection I said, “That’s a good pick!” as it was the exact one I had in mind. He looked on with satisfaction and said in agreement, “Yeah, it’s a good pick.” It was then I realized I had said something affirming to him. He was happy and content that he did something that I, as his mother, approved of and looked favorably upon.

Several days later he brought one of the ornaments from the newly purchased box to me, I looked at it and commented that it was a pretty ornament. My son nodded and said, “Yes, because it’s a good pick.” He still remembered what I said. This little incident made me realize that one little praise or affirmation goes a long way for him. Every child needs praise and affirmation from his parents. They thrive in this kind of environment. This was a good reminder for me to continue to pour on praises where it is due.

My mom told me some time ago that she finds it odd that whenever my children do something good, I say a lot of phrases such as “good job, well done, that’s great.” She said this was foreign to her. She didn’t need to explain as I already understood. I believe there are a lot of positive things about the Chinese people, however, when it comes to praising one’s own children, it is very lacking. This is simply not part of the Chinese culture. Yet, it is so necessary. More often, it seems, the “Chinese way” to offer negative incentive, under the assumption that continually raising the bar will make a child aspire to more.  When, in reality, it often simply proves a means to discouraged and disheartened children.

Every child wants to gain the approval of his parents. As I strive to be a godly mother to my children, may God grant me the wisdom to encourage and praise my children.

This weekend we went to Evers’ company holiday party. As we weaved through the crowd, I got introduced to his colleagues and their respective spouses. One thing, and only one thing, that kept coming up after each introduction was. . . . “This is Evers and his wife, they have FOUR kids!” Then I see their eyes widen and their mouths gasp. I was amused. My husband tells me that at work he is known as the man with four kids. So, there you have it. . . . our greatest achievements are our four kids!

One of Elisabeth Elliot’s recent devotional really spoke to my heart when it comes to parenting and caring for my four wee ones.

Drudgery

“I must admit I feel a lot of pressure with two children under two years of age. I am committed to do it until they are in school, however, and feel it is God’s will. At times like this–when I wonder if I will even be able to finish this letter with both of them screaming for something–or when I miss going to lunch or getting dressed up, everyday life seems a drudgery. I worked hard to get through college–to be a scrubwoman, ha!”

I understand this mother’s cry. So does the Lord. He has given us this word: “No temptation has come your way that is too hard for flesh and blood to bear. But God can be trusted not to allow you to suffer any temptation beyond your powers of endurance. He will see to it that every temptation has a way out, so that it will never be impossible for you to bear it” (1 Corinthians 10:13, PHILLIPS).

“A way out,” I can hear her say, “What mother has a way out?”

The New English Bible translation throws light on this: “a way out, by enabling you to sustain it.” Think, too, of Jesus’ words, “My yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:29 AV). He is willing to bear our burdens with us, if only we will come to Him and share the yoke, His yoke.

I saw this principle in operation when I visited the Dohnavur Fellowship in India. There, day after day, year in and year out, Indian women (most of them single) care for little children, handicapped children, infirm adults, old folks. They don’t go anywhere. They have none of our usual forms of amusement and diversion. They work with extremely primitive equipment–there is no running water, for example, no stoves but wood-burning ones, no washing machines. In one of the buildings I saw this text: “There they dwelt with the King for His work.” That’s the secret. They do it for Him. They ask for and receive His grace to do it. I saw the joy in their lovely faces.

I’ve been having a hard time recently with taking care of the children. My spiritually parched soul is desperate for a refreshment, and Elisabeth Elliot’s devotional came at the most opportune time. What I really appreciate is the text “There they dwelt with the King for His work.” I need to remember this. What I do each day for the children is for the Lord. His grace is sufficient for each day’s toil, no matter how hard it may be. I think I’m going to find a blank wall somewhere in the house and stencil this phrase.

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When my oldest saw the Christmas displays at retail stores in late October, he wanted to know how long it was until Christmas. He continues to ask about Christmas on and off. With more retail stores, shopping centers, and homes setting up Christmas displays, it is more obvious sign that Christmas is nearing. Now that my son is 4 1/2, he can understand a lot, sometimes more than I give him credit for, and I really want him to understand the true meaning of Christmas. No, the true meaning of Christmas is not about giving, like what the media tells us year after year. Nor is it, as my youngest ones think understandably, colorful light displays. The true meaning is the coming of Jesus, the Christ, a savior for sinners.

Even though my extended family gathers together on every Christmas day, I feel that that celebration in itself is not enough. I wanted something more. When I came across Ann Voskamp’s The Glorious Coming: A Jesse Tree Advent Celebration, I knew this was something I wanted for my family. This book contains devotional readings (Nov. 30 – Dec. 25) and instructions on how to make ornaments. You can purchase the ebook for immediate download and use for your family via the link. We commenced with the first reading tonight. My oldest really understood the devotionals of how God created the world to the fall of mankind, whereas my younger one enjoyed hanging the ornament on the Christmas tree. Of course, my third in line watched with amusement. Last, but not least, the baby was asleep. Evers also improvised the reading to adapt to our oldest child’s comprehension level. I feel it is important to prepare our hearts and minds for the coming of Christ before the actual Christmas day. Reading these short devotionals is a great way of preparing ourselves for this Christmas season. I look forward to more readings for the coming days and I’m sure the children will also look forward to it too, but not without the privilege of hanging the ornaments.

Here’s a photo of Evers with the children and our first two Jesse Tree ornaments from tonight’s readings: