I just finished listening to Carolyn Mahaney’s talk entitled “The Lord is in Your Boat” (click on the link to download and listen). This is encouragement for moms with young children. I needed this talk.

We had a very rough Christmas and New Year. We got sick two days before Christmas and the virus eventually spread to every member of the family and lingered on for two weeks. It was very hard dealing with my own illness while trying to take care of my whiny, coughing, and snotty kids. To top it off, we got extremely discouraged when others questioned our having more kids (or as many as we have: three under 4yo and one in the oven). After all, with more kids in tow, when one kid gets sick, the illness lasts longer because it gets spread to every member like it did for us. It also translates to more work for the parents, not to mention increased exhaustion, fatigue, and lack of sleep. The truth is, parents of young, healthy children experience all of these difficulties, but when kids are sick, the level of fatigue goes up a couple notches. Our tired bodies and dejected spirits were not met with many encouragements but rather comments that seemed to undermine our morale. Perhaps this was good because it forced us to be more reliant on the Lord instead of on ourselves and others.

I really appreciate Carolyn Mahaney’s talk. Sometimes the daily grind and the mundaneness of caring for young children do get to us. We do have meltdowns from time to time. Carolyn calls these “storms” in our lives. She calls us to rely on the Lord and to put our faith in Him. Here are just some of her quotes from the message:

Every time we exercise our faith, our faith grows stronger. This is why God allows storms to come into our lives. They all arrive with a very specific purpose.

Every storm is a divine catalyst to teach us about God and to strengthen our faith. In other words, storms help us grow. Kent Hughes notes that this is a vital principle of spiritual life. Without difficulties, trials, stresses, and even failures, we will never grow to be what we should become. Storms are part of the process of spiritual growth.

Next time you find yourself in the midst of the storm, remember that the Lord Himself is in your boat. He’s upholding you by His great power. He’s also strengthening your faith.

This encourages me because the difficulties I go through each day are not purposeless. I certainly was made to feel I’m a sucker for pain by having so many kids. So what’s the purpose? It’s for strengthening my faith and it’s for my spiritual growth. And ultimately, therefore, for His glory.

To all the moms out there, carve some time out to listen to this message and be encouraged.

Following up on Lois’ post below about frequent questions we receive from friends and family associating our “large” family size with the anticipated cost of college down the road, I’d encourage you to visit a very thoughtful post from “The Roof Guys” blog on the question, “Should college be our default?” Among other things, I appreciate his concluding thought:

I do want to spend a little bit of time on this blog challenging mindsets that:

a. Merely equate [college] credentials with academic success.

b. Equate a lack of credentials with ignorance.

c. Assume that college is the most efficient way to grow in knowledge.

d. Assume college is the most efficient way to “move ahead” in life.

e. Assume that a college degree is a means of future security.

With the impending arrival of baby #4, it would seem that we have exceeded the socially acceptable norm of how many kids one should have, at least in the area we live in. Even though I wasn’t surprised by the question, the number of people who’ve asked about our the size of our family has surprised me. One of most the popular questions that has come up over and over again is, “What about college?” The heart of this question is, “How can you afford college education when you have so many kids?”

This post is our attempt at an educated response to this question which we find, well, well-meaning but misprioritized.

Our first response: should you determine how many kids to have based on whether you can afford your kids’ college education? While we certainly see the value of higher education, especially as it relates to numerous professional choices, we question the wisdom of making potential college costs the all-encompassing standard by which we judge whether we can “responsibly” raise a given number children. As Christians, the standard of ‘responsibility’ should rather be whether we can raise them in the fear & admonition of the Lord while keeping them ‘reasonably’ clothed & fed.

That being said, we are not naive when it comes to the cost of college education. To answer the question more directly, here are some of my thoughts:

• I attended a 4-year university and paid for my own college education without any financial assistance from my parents. I got scholarships, financial aid, and student loans to pay for my tuition. Upon graduation and finding a job, I paid off my loan in two years. I have no qualm in expecting my kids to do the same. Of course, we will help them out financially if they truly need it. It is also a very good way of teaching them the value of money. It has been my experience that people who have their college education completely paid for by their parents take their education for granted. Because I had to pay my tuition back with my own money, I know how much it costs and the value of it.
• Attending a community or junior college for the first two years is a very cost effective route. Let’s be honest: the first two years of college consists of general education and lower division classes. Why not take these courses at a junior college and then transfer to a university? If you have a certain GPA, most universities have a guaranteed transfer from your junior college.
• Another college route is taking the CLEP exam which stands for College Level Examination Program. By taking these standardized tests, you earn college credits thus reducing the number of courses you need to take to complete your degree. It is my hope that my children take advantage of CLEP during their high school years so they do not need to spend all 4 years at a university.
• It’s been a blessing to have some friends over yesterday discussing family size and college education. Our friend who comes from a family of eight kids tells us that currently there are five children in his family who are attending college. They are paying for their own college tuition via scholarships, financial aid, and student loans. There haven’t been any issues with this approach. This friend’s family experience has confirmed my own understanding. It helps to confirm that we are not simply naive dreamers when it comes to our children’s prospective college educations.

In closing, I want to reiterate that as Christian parents our chief goal and consideration, whether in growing or maintaining our family size, is to raise godly children not college-bound kids. Like nothing else Evers or I have done before, parenting has stretched our faith in God and forced us to rely upon him. Yet we feel confident that as long as our eyes are set on heaven — not Harvard — He will grant us strength and wisdom to complete this task faithfully.