In Luke 15:4-6, Jesus tells a parable about a shepherd who loses one of his sheep.

We’ve got our own version.

About a month ago, one of our children misplaced his precious lamb that he slept every night with.  This lamb may have been worn down, shorn (yes.  as in sheared.  by his “shepherd.” with shears.), and a bit dirty.

But he was loved.

The shepherd boy loved his lamb. So he looked and looked everywhere in our home.  But he could not find his precious “Lamby.”

And he slept, albeit uneasily, until after a couple of weeks, he got used to not sleeping with his little lamb.

But the boy’s father was not satisfied.

So he looked and looked, in every corner of his son’s room and every corner of the house.

But he too could not find his son’s precious lamb.

And so, as a last resort, the boy’s father pulled out a last-ditch measure, purchased on eBay many, many months ago for just this sort of disaster.

But the son was not much pleased, for this “New Lamby” (aka “Fat Lamby”) bore only faint resemblance to his beloved and worn little Lamby.

But after a few days, he began to grow used to the new version.  For ’tis better to have a small, huggable stuffy to sleep with than nothing at all.

Then lo and behold, one morning, this morning, as the boy was looking for something to wear in his room, he came upon a crumpled up shirt on the floor under his bed.

And he picked up the shirt, and discovered what was lost, wrapped up inside the shirt.

His precious Lamby was found.

And lo, there was much rejoicing.

Epilogue: “New Lamby” has now gone into “deep storage” in case Lamby is once again misplaced and/or lost.

I recall telling my husband and friends that I simply don’t get boys, specifically one particular active one in my family!  I don’t understand how he can get in trouble so many times a day and how he can get himself involved in so many mischievous ways.  I simply don’t understand it.  I look back to my childhood and cannot recall a single time where I acted the way he did.  I was a very compliant child and I hardly got in trouble growing up.  My parents can testify to this!  So, how did I produce a child who’s so different from me?  Many times I’m at a loss as to how to deal, understand, and connect with a child who is so different from me.  I didn’t struggle with the things he’s struggling with.  So, how do I identify with him and help him?

Recently I came across a blog post from CJ Mahaney entitled “Video Games, Idols, and Your Child’s Heart.”  What stood out to me was how he explained that even though he’s lot older than his son and that their sins manifest differently, at the root of it, it’s the same.

It is too easy for me to view my son’s form of idolatry as childish, but in essence, at root, there is no difference between our idolatries. His expression is consistent with a 12 year old, mine is consistent with a 56 year old, but in essence it’s no different. Therefore I must make sure my heart is softened by my own sinful tendencies. I don’t want the study to be punitive, I don’t want it to be (if possible) connected or related to discipline, because I think that can make it more difficult for a child to comprehend and to be convinced I have their best interest at heart. I want to supplement it with my own stories.

In essence, my son, whom I view as the polar opposite of me, and I are the same.  I came to realize that even though as a child I don’t remember acting the way he is right now, I am just as sinful.  Even now when I’m lot older, at the root of it, I’m just the same as my child.

When my child’s selfishness is manifested in taking someone else’s toy or even strike another child, I have to see that I’m prone to being selfish as well.  It’s not helpful for me to view my child’s sin as childish, or that I can’t relate because I don’t ever recall striking another person as a child.  I find that the more I think I can’t identify with my child, the more frustrated I get.  If this cycle continues, I can see that my relationship with my child will be pulled apart more and more.

I can relate to my child and explain that I’m prone to selfishness, just like he, but mine looks different.  I’m just better at masking my selfishness.  By relating to my child in this way, I am more able to build a bridge with him and speak directly to his heart.  We’re both sinners.  We’re both equally prone to do wrong.  We both need a Savior.  This is why Jesus had to die for our sins.  What a glorious truth.

I am deeply grateful for Mahaney’s insight and it is my hope and prayer that I will strive to relate to my child in this manner.

I’ve been reading Counsel From the Cross:  Connecting Broken People to the Love of Christ by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Dennis Johnson and have been treasuring many nuggets of teaching and wisdom from the book.  After discussing how we need the gospel and what Christ has accomplished on the cross, the authors explain ways how we can be more gospel-centered Christians.  They offer a sample prayer for the end of the day when you have failed to obey:

Father, please forgive my sin and cause me to walk in holiness.  Thank you that my sin reminds me again how desperately I need the cross and how thankful I am for your grace [emphasis mine].  Thank you that you love me despite my sin today and that you will use even this for your glory.  Lord Jesus, thank you that you bore those sins in your body on the tree.  Thank you for your love and grant me grace to obey because of it.  (p. 84)

I wrote this prayer on a 3×5 card so that I can go back to it daily as a reminder.  This prayer is very helpful for me because I do feel like a failure at the end of the day because I mess up so many times during the day.  By dinner time I’m simply exhausted and feel beat up by all the sins I’ve racked up.  I feel it quite keenly of late.  Rather than despairing, I am told to be thankful for the opportunity because it reminds me how much I need God and the mercy He has shown on the cross.  How glorious!  I hope that you’ll find this prayer encouraging and helpful in your Christian walk.

When my oldest was 15 months old, I began training him to sit still.  When we had our second child, we kept up with the training, and as we added more children to the brood, the little ones followed their older siblings’ examples.  We’ve come to a point where it’s given that our children are expected to sit and participate during Sunday service.  This is such a blessing and I really take delight in having my children with us on Sundays.  Our youngest is 20 months old now and she does not sit well on Sundays.  Once again, we’re revisiting our training session.

I took the time to train our toddler while the older children were at a basketball camp last week.  I started with holding Bethany on my lap and not allowing her to come down, and when she wiggled in an effort to come down, I told her ‘no’ and told her to sit on my lap.  We did this for about 10 minutes while playing a sermon on the background.  Our first session was a real struggle for Bethany and she did not like it a bit!  When it was all over, she was relieved to get out of my lap.

We repeated the process the following day and this time she was content and not crying.  I had her sit on a stool and she was quiet and obeyed the entire 10 minutes.  The following day I had to mop our filthy floor, but Bethany kept getting in the way.  Instead of sending her away, I had her sit on a stool while I mopped.  She sat and watched me mop the floor for about 20 minutes.  Even though she struggled a bit 10 minutes in, she did great on the whole.

There are so many benefits to training children to sit still while they’re young and one of which is learning to have self-control.  For those who are interested in training their children to sit still, here are some tips I’ve learned along the way:

• Start training the children at home first.  When they cry and want to get out of their chair, you don’t have the whole public giving you the evil eye.
• Start out small.  You need to see your child’s abilities and see how many minutes to start out with.  If your child really struggles, you can start with 3 or 5 minutes.  Once they can sit for that long, increase the time to 7-10 minutes and so on.  In the past we worked up to one whole hour with our oldest while listening to a sermon.
• You may want to start the training by having your child sit on your lap or be buckled down in a high chair.  Once the child knows he must sit and not cry, you can transition him to a regular chair or couch.
• During the training session I don’t give the child any toys, papers, pencils, crayons, etc.  I have done so in the past and that proved to be counter productive.  All those items became a distraction and we ended up not having a successful training session.
• When it’s time to sit in the public, e.g., at church, I have the child on my lap and have her sit for as long as she can handle it.  Once she becomes a distraction, I take her out.  We keep repeating this process until she’s able to sit through the entire service.
• Some kids are harder to train than the others so even though it may take several training sessions for some children to get the idea, it may take lot more sessions for the others.  In addition, don’t think that once you’ve got your children to sit beautifully for a period of time that this habit will continue without any more efforts on your part.  Once in a while the already trained children fall apart, but don’t give up, just go back to the basics.  As long as you’re consistent and persevere, it will become a habit for them.
• Don’t give up!  It’s rather tempting to call the session off when the child is crying, but keep it up until the timer goes off.  Children are fast learners and they catch on fast though some take longer.

Here is Bethany sitting on a stool while I mopped the floor:

Longtime friends of ours, many years ago, took up the sport of jump rope as a family.

They’ve since moved out of state, but this week drove back to CA to visit family and also host a free one-day jump rope clinic.

We jumped (ha ha) at the opportunity to participate.  Our oldest three got the chance to learn how to jump rope, and we adults got in on the action a wee bit as well.

Here are a few photos from the day:

Afterwards we ventured toward Sacramento, closing with a delicious dinner @ Chick-Fil-A.

After dinner as we exited the restaurant and chatted, the kids made the most of it and ended up jumping rope for almost an hour in the parking lot!  Here is some video footage of their double dutch adventure!

We haven’t  had the time to pay much attention to our blog for so long that it’s odd to return to the relational parenting series I had started a while ago. It seemed ironic to me that as soon as I started a series, I struggled being a parent to my children in a way that’s honoring and pleasing to God.  As time wore on, I felt even more inadequate to express my thoughts.  I’ve now returned to my unfinished series, but this does not mean that I’ve mastered the art of parenting, rather, I see myself very much in the thick of things.  I write as a fellow sojourner, and with that, we return to the second entry in this series: Play With The Kids.

If I could have my way, I’d banish all toys from our house.  Why?  Because I keep stepping on them, especially Legos.  Stepping on Legos seems to be a rite of passage for parents.  I prefer a clean and organized house, but with five little ones, it’s near impossible to keep a clean house.  Naturally, it frustrates me when I see toys here and there, dispersed in various rooms, nooks and crannies.  Despite my displeasure with toys, I’ve come to see the importance of play in a child’s life.  Playing with children is a way how we as parents communicate and love our children.  It’s a way of showing them that we care, value, and treasure their world.  Too often we want to do our own things (believe me, this is a great temptation for any parent) and let the children do their own things.  If we approach parenting in such matter, we create two separate worlds: an adult world and a child world where two don’t intersect.  When the children are grown, we wonder why they’re not interested in our world nor our opinions.  If we desire our children to treasure our counsel, I believe we need to start entering their world when they are young.

So, how do we go about playing with the children when we’ve outgrown Legos, dolls, and cars?  First off, we can just sit and watch them play and simply be there.  When they’re done with their creation, especially a Lego creation, we can marvel at it, point out different parts that we like or thought were creative.  If you’re so inclined, offer some suggestions how they can add on or make the project more elaborate.  Whenever I offer suggestions like that, their eyes light up and are more motivated and energetic to make something else.  I love seeing how excited they get.

My kids like to pretend to serve me coffee and tea.  To get into the pretend world, I make requests and ask them to be sure to add sugar and cream in my coffee but none for the tea.  As they go back to their play kitchen to serve me drinks, I ask if they can bring me a piece of cake or other foods that I’d like to eat with my coffee.

We also should play with our children outdoors like at a local park.  Too often I see parents simply watch the kids but not play with them.  In general, parents at the local park seem to have the understanding that their primary job is to keep the children safe, but I believe it should be more than that.  Play with them!  Interact with them!  Play hide-and-seek, play peek-a-boo, or play tag.  Playing together builds stronger relationships.  I still remember a time when I took my kids to a local playground, a kid who wasn’t mine kept wanting to play with me.  He eventually pushed my kids away so he could play with ME!  When that happened, I was a bit annoyed but I quickly felt sorry for him.  Where are his parents?  Why aren’t they nearby?  Why does he keep wanting to play with me?  I looked around and found his mom sitting in a chair far away from him, drinking her coffee and reading a book.  She wasn’t interested in playing with her child.  What a pity.

Just remember, it may seem boring and uninteresting to play with our children and you would rather be having adult conversations with people your age.  But our interactions with our children are a means by which we invest in long-term deeper relationships with our children.  When they’re older, they’ll remember with fondness our play time together.  And as we enter their world right now, we create the bonds by which they’ll want to enter our world when they get older!

Previously in the series:

Relational Parenting

Point 1:  Be Approachable

Some friends of ours host an annual charity carnival at their ranch in the Central Valley.  It’s such a wonderful effort they put on all to benefit a worthy cause every year.  This year’s proceeds went to a ministry called Drawn from Water whose focus is rescuing and providing for tribal children in Africa who are facing mandated infanticide.

It was a hot day in the Central Valley today, with temps in the low-to-mid ’90s.  Nevertheless, the attraction of fun activities for a good cause drew us up, and in spite of feeling the heat, enjoyed horse rides, carnival booths and a good time with friends.  Here are some snaps from our time.